


Hot for Teacher

by benjidunn



Category: Mission: Impossible (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Teachers, Crushes, Ethical Dilemmas, Falling In Love, Field Trip, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, Mutual Pining, Parenthood, Post-Divorce, School, Single Parents
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-01-23 03:24:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 38,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21313399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/benjidunn/pseuds/benjidunn
Summary: Or, ten times Ethan Hunt met with his daughter's teacher, Mr. Dunn.
Relationships: Benji Dunn/Ethan Hunt
Comments: 42
Kudos: 104





	1. August

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Back with another Benthan chapter fic. Updates for this may be sporadic, but just now I'm actually a few chapters into this at this point, so I'm definitely writing still. I can't not write single dad!Ethan Hunt. He's too perfect for it.
> 
> Special thanks to F4nd0mG33k17 for talking with me about this and giving me some great ideas to employ <3

“Daddy, it’s this way.”

Ethan frowns. “Are you sure?” he asks. “We just saw Britt go down that hallway.”

“Because her brother is in first grade. The third grade pod is _ this _way.”

Lacey would know, of course, since she’s already spent three years at this school, but Ethan would like to believe that after visiting this place multiple times in that time frame, he has the layout worked out. He hates hearing her assert that he’s wrong because she’s probably explained this to him dozens of times by now, yet the design of this damn building continues to escape him. And Lacey has no desire to stick around to explain or argue with him further by the way she briskly sets off for the hallway in question, so all Ethan can do is follow her into the pod she had pointed out.

She marches through it until they reach a new hallway that runs perpendicular to the one they’re in now. A series of large windows greet them, revealing a small courtyard surrounded by more rows of windows. It’s the same set-up as the other two pods Lacey has had classes in since starting school, but the sea of students accompanied by various family members that crowd the area leaves Ethan feeling slightly overwhelmed despite the familiarity. Lacey, however, remains unfazed. “C’mon, Daddy,” she sighs before grabbing his hand and pulling him forward.

“How do you know where his room is?” he asks as she tugs him around a corner.

“I’ve seen Mr. Dunn’s room before. Now let’s go! I want to meet him, Daddy! He has an accent!”

“Hold on, he has a what?”

“There’s his room!” Lacey drops his hand and takes off. 

“Lacey, no!”

She races down the hallway and skirts around a family, but not without the backpack dangling from her right shoulder bumping against a mother first. “Sorry,” Ethan offers sheepishly as she shoots him a dirty look, but he rushes past without saying anything more. By the time he catches up with Lacey, she’s standing by a classroom door with a grin. “You can’t take off like that,” he scolds once she’s in earshot.

“I found his room. See?” She points at the sign next to her head. “It says Mr. Dunn.”

“I see that, but did you hear me? You can’t run in such a crowded area.”

She hums, her way of signaling, “I hear you, but I don’t care,” and turns towards the door. “Look, there he is!”

Ethan glances up. In the center of the room is a man with his back turned to them, leaving only his well-style hair and the elbow pads on his sport coat visible. He assumes that’s who she’s talking about before turning to her and saying, “How about we put your stuff up and then we can talk to him?”

“Okay.” She bounces into the room, turns towards a long row of cubby holes and coat hooks, and stops. “I don’t know where to put everything.”

“Well, we can put some things into your cubby since they’re right in front of us, and then we can find your desk.”

She scrunches her nose. “I hope I’m not sitting by Hailey.”

“Not so loud, Lace.”

“She’s not here.”

“But others can hear you.” He kneels down in front of Lacey. “I know you had problems with her last year, but can you try to be her friend this year?”

“Not if she’s going to be mean again.”

“Don’t you want to be nicer than her?”

Lacey frowns and crosses her arms. “I am nicer.”

“Then be nice to her.”

She hums again, this time with more aggravation in her tone, and approaches the cubbies. “Here’s mine.”

Ethan drops the subject, gets up, and opens the plastic bag hanging on his arm. “Do you want to put your colored pencils and things in here?”

“Will I have enough room left for my books?”

“I think so. You’ll have less things to move when you switch desks, too.”

“Oh, yeah.” She reaches in and pulls all her coloring utensils out, then puts all of them in her cubby and turns around. “I want everything else in my desk.”

“Let’s go find it, then. I think I see your name over there.”

She smiles and hurries over to a cluster of desks at the front of the room. “There I am!” She sets her backpack down in her chair and pops open the desk lid. “I’m going to put my folders on this side and my notebooks on that side.”

“And your pencil box?”

“Here.” She sticks her finger in the area she’s referring to and then frowns. “I don’t know what to do with all of the other stuff like paper and glue.”

“That’s for the whole class,” comes a new voice. There’s a light British accent in his voice that immediately answers Ethan’s earlier question about what Lacey said and informs him that it’s her teacher standing behind him. Sure enough, when he turns around, he finds the man from the center of the room, this time facing them. He looks to be in his late 30s, with sandy hair and a nicely trimmed beard, sending him a friendly smile. “I’m Mr. Dunn,” he greets with an extended hand.

Ethan blinks at him. Oh, shit.

“I’m Lacey!” She reaches out and grabs his hand.

For the moment, Ethan’s grateful for Lacey’s outgoingness, because he can barely process his own name as memories of the school art night from last April come rushing back to him. Lacey had been so excited to show Ethan something she made in class that night, and as much as he tried to appreciate it, he spent the entire time so distracted by an attractive man talking and laughing with others in the cafeteria that he inadvertently walked into a door frame. And now that same man is standing right in front of him.

“Lacey…” Mr. Dunn furrows his brow and taps his finger against his lips. “What’s your last name? Wait, don’t tell me.”

“It starts with an H.”

Maybe Ethan would find this a bit more charming if it weren’t for the fact that he figured he would never see that handsome stranger from the art night again, which justified all the times his mind drifted to him as he took a shower after Lacey was asleep and his nightly work-out was finished. There was no harm in getting off to a stranger he saw once before heading off to bed, he told himself. Until that stranger turns out to be your child’s third grade teacher.

“Lacey Hunt?”

Ethan jolts out of his thoughts as she responds, “That’s me!”

“Ah! Which makes you Mr. Hunt, I presume.” Mr. Dunn extends his hand out towards him.

“Uh.” He gives him a firm shake. “Ethan,” he chokes out as he tries to return the smile. Jesus, he’s even more attractive when he’s not halfway across the cafeteria.

“It’s a pleasure to meet both of you!” He turns his attention back to Lacey. “I see you have some things for the class.”

“Daddy has even more stuff than me.”

“Well, if you would like, you can take those things for the whole class over there.” He kneels down next to Lacey and points towards a table nestled in the corner of the room next to two tall windows. “See those stacks and piles? There are signs that will tell you where to put everything at.”

“Yeah!” She scoops a ream of paper out of her backpack and gestures for the bag on Ethan’s arm. “Give me that.”

“Do you need any help?” Ethan’s gone hoarse suddenly.

“I can do it, Daddy.”

“Okay, sweets.” As soon as he hands it over, she makes a beeline for the table. It draws a chuckle from Mr. Dunn.

“She’s very excited,” he remarks.

“That’s Lacey for you,” Ethan responds with an apologetic grin. “She gets a bit too excited at times, actually.”

“But don’t you just love that about kids? They’re so excited by life and the most mundane things.”

His response softens Ethan’s smile. “It’s definitely sweet, but I think it’s also only fair of me to warn you about how energetic my daughter is. I love her to death, of course--”

“But she’s also a lot, right? I’ve heard it dozens of times. I doubt that she could do anything I haven’t already seen.”

“I figured it would be best to at least warn you.”

“Rest assured that she’s in good hands with me. I’ve seen plenty of kids like that after teaching for 16 years.”

“So you’ve been teaching long enough to work out a method to deal with her, then.”

“I’ve never liked to phrase ‘deal with’ when talking about students. I’m not going ‘to deal with’ her, I’m going to help her like any other student. That’s what all children deserve from their teacher, in my opinion.”

His teasing attitude turns into something more genuine. “A noble cause.”

“Except it isn’t, because that should be the reason anyone teaches, don’t you think?” He sends Ethan another smile that makes his heart skip a beat. Damn, he’s every bit as charming as he is handsome.

“If that’s your view, I’m glad my daughter was put in your class.”

The look on Mr. Dunn’s face softens. “You said your name was Ethan?”

“Uh,” Ethan answers for a second time, because hearing Mr. Dunn say his name makes him a bit breathless. “Yeah, Ethan Hunt.”

“I did it, Daddy!” comes Lacey’s voice as she bounds up next to Ethan. “Everything is all put away!”

Ethan tears his gaze away from Mr. Dunn’s and turns to Lacey. “Good job,” he says as he feathers her hair with his fingers. “Less work for me.”

Lacey looks up at Mr. Dunn. “And he calls _ me _lazy.”

“Lace,” Ethan sighs, but it draws a laugh from Mr. Dunn.

“I’m sure your dad works hard otherwise.”

Lacey shrugs.

“No?”

“I don’t know how hard he works. His job is boring.”

“And what would that be?”

“Transportation,” she answers flatly.

“I’m a civil engineer,” Ethan says quickly. “Although I try not to make that too well known so nobody gets angry with me about all the roadwork in the state.”

Mr. Dunn laughs a second time. “So I know who to blame for the construction on the drive home?”

“Don’t take it out on Lacey.”

“The sins of the father aren’t the sins of the daughter, right?” Mr. Dunn sends him a sweet grin. “I’d love to stay and chat more, but I just noticed another family that slipped in.”

“That’s alright. I promised Lacey I’d take her to get ice cream, anyway.”

“What are you doing here talking to me, then?” He shifts his gaze to Lacey. “Go get some ice cream and tell me how it was on the first day of school.”

“Alright,” she answers brightly.

“I’ll see you soon.” Then Mr. Dunn sticks out his hand again. “Pleasure talking to you,” he tells Ethan as he gives him a second handshake.

“You too.”

Mr. Dunn gives his hand a squeeze before pulling away and turning towards the new family. And maybe that’s for the best, because as much as Ethan wishes he could still be talking to him, that light squeeze of his hand leaves him dizzy.

“Daddy, help me,” Lacey says. “The quicker we put everything up, the quicker we can get ice cream!”

Ethan tears his eyes off of Mr. Dunn and focuses on his daughter. “Why don’t you ever take this attitude when I ask you to clean your room?”

“’Cuz there’s no ice cream.”

“Can’t you just do it because it makes me happy?”

Lacey shakes her head.

“No?” he says, voice heavy with fake sadness. “You don’t want to make your dad happy?”

“Mm-mm,” she answers as a smile tugs at her lips.

“I’m hurt, Lace.” 

“You’ll get over it.”

“What?” Ethan gasps as he leans forward to wrap his arms around Lacey and press his face against her cheek. “I’ll get over it?”

“Stop it, Daddy, you’re tickling me,” she giggles.

“Not when you’re being so mean to me.” He leaves a series of quick kisses on her cheek that make her laugh.

“Let me put my stuff up!”

Ethan lets go and musses her hair. When he looks up, he notices Mr. Dunn watching them with a small grin. The unexpected attention makes his cheeks go warm, partly because Mr. Dunn is so sweet and likeable even after one conversation, and partly because all those showers spent thinking about him return in his mind with full force. God, Ethan would absolutely die if Mr. Dunn ever knew what he thought about him. And as wonderful of a person as he seems, the less time Ethan spends around him, the better.

“You ready, Lace?” he asks as she closes her desk. He wastes no time after her affirmation in leading her out of the room and back towards the hallway they came from.

“Hey, you remembered which way to go!” she teases.

“Guess I just needed one more time,” he tells her, but there’s  something telling him that he wouldn’t be forgetting again any time soon.


	2. September

To: Ethan Hunt  
From: Benjamin Dunn

Subject: Your Daughter’s Success

Good afternoon, Mr. Hunt!

I hope you are doing well on such a lovely day. My intention is not to ruin it (or trouble you even further, if that’s the case), but rather to politely request a meeting with you regarding your daughter and her performance in school. Lacey is not in any trouble, so please do not fret about it. However, for her sake, I would like to meet with you sometime to ask you some questions. This meeting can be something as simple as a ten-minute conversation after school, but we can work with whatever is possible for you.

Please let me know what I can do for you!

Sincerely,  
Mr. Dunn

* * *

Despite Mr. Dunn’s kind tone, Ethan’s stomach turns with the same dread it did whenever he was in trouble in school as a child, even though it’s Lacey’s who’s causing problems. It’s not like this is unexpected after her track record, but he had hoped that maybe this semester would be the one where her teacher wouldn’t have to write to him to complain about her, but she hadn’t even made it four weeks this time.

There’s something particularly humiliating about this email than any other email Ethan had received from a teacher before, because Mr. Dunn had seemed so genuine in his desire to help her, and Ethan wanted to do his best to prove that he isn’t a terrible parent. But here he is now, anxiety reaching its peak as he approaches the classroom entrance. He peeks in and sees Lacey at her desk, hunched over something and working intently on it while Mr. Dunn watches from beside her. Ethan hesitates for a moment before he enters and clears his throat, causing both of them to turn around and look at him.

“There you are.” Mr. Dunn smiles as he gets to his feet and Ethan feels those butterflies in the pit of his stomach again. He had done better since the last time they met, prohibiting himself from thinking about him outside of an academic context, but resisting the thought of him only seemed to make him even more beautiful than Ethan remembers. “Very glad you could come in and talk with me,” he says as he approaches Ethan and gives him a handshake.

“Is everything alright?” he asks.

“Everything’s fine. I just wanted to get to understand Lacey a bit better and figured you would probably know her better than anyone else.”

“I’d hope so,” Ethan says with a small, nervous laugh. “Is this about her behavior or--”

“Why don’t we sit down?” Mr. Dunn interrupts. “Lacey’s doing her homework right now, so it’s no problem for us to chat over there.” He nods towards the table in the corner of the classroom.

Ethan looks over at Lacey. She seems entirely unperturbed by all of this, which gives him a slight bit of reassurance as he follows Mr. Dunn to the table.

“Watch your knees,” Mr. Dunn tells Ethan as he pulls out one of the chairs. “These seats are made for people much smaller than us.”

Ethan stumbles anyway as he stoops down to sit down in a chair that’s much lower than he ever expected. “Do you sit in these regularly?”

“The students do. I sit there.” He gestures towards a larger chair on the opposite side of the table. “I didn’t want to make you sit here by yourself, though. I don’t very much like the idea of talking to parents in the same place as I talk to my students.”

“Oh, I would have understood if you sat in that chair.”

“But it’d be like if I started talking at you from the front of the room, only much, much worse, because at least other workplaces have presentations and whatnot while tables like these are pretty much reserved to school teachers talking to children.” He sends Ethan a grin. “Especially when you run into parents older than you are. Although at this point, that’s getting a tad more rare.”

“After long enough, then, you could reasonably speak to parents from that chair.”

“Oh, god, no,” Mr. Dunn laughs. “I’ll never get used to speaking to anyone who isn’t a child from that chair.”

Ethan only realizes now how closely they’re tilted in towards each other. Chances are that Mr. Dunn is only being friendly, but there’s something about it that makes his mouth dry. The fact that he’s thinking about what it might be like to have Mr. Dunn speak to him as an inferior isn’t helping matters. God, he has to stop thinking like that.

His quiet daydreaming is interrupted as Mr. Dunn says, “Not to cut our chit-chatting short, but I don’t want to keep you here any longer than you need to be. I have a few questions about Lacey and then you two can be on your merry way.”

Ethan pushes aside any rogue thought and asks, “Does she know about what we’re talking about?”

“I first asked her the questions I’m going to ask you, actually. But I wanted your input in addition to hers.”

That relaxes him even more. “What do you want to know?”

“Well, for starters, how has her relationships with her former teachers been?”

Ethan lets out a tired laugh. “Not great.”

Mr. Dunn’s face drops. “She said something similar.”

“It was always the same thing.” He scratches his chin. “Talkative, argumentative, unable to sit still.”

“And did they ever suggest anything?”

“You mean the teachers?”

“Mm-hm.”

He stares at Mr. Dunn for a moment. “What do you mean?”

“Did they ever give you an idea of what might be causing her behavior?”

“No, they only ever contacted me when they thought she was bothering other students.”

Now Mr. Dunn frowns. “They never tried to help her?”

“I thought her behavior was something we could work on at home.”

“But she’s not at home with you 24/7. Teachers have to put in a little effort, too.”

“I still feel like I should be doing  _ something _ ,” he sighs. “I don’t like seeing her have issues with school.”

“No parent does, but sometimes it’s not your fault. It’s not anyone’s fault, really. Kids have their quirks.”

“But is it a quirk if it’s getting them into trouble?”

Mr. Dunn flexes his jaw and leans back. “What other problems has she had?”

“Uh.” He scratches his head. “She forgets to turn homework in.”

“Ah.” A sad smile crosses his lips. “Maybe that’s something you can help her with, then.”

“Has she not been turning in homework?”

“That’s why I encouraged her to work on it now.”

Embarrassment bubbles in his stomach. “I’m sorry--”

“Don’t be,” Mr. Dunn interrupts. “Lacey is hardly a trouble student. When I asked her to do it earlier, she listened to me without issue. She’s a very lovely student, she just has some problems with energy and inattention.”

“I’m not sure what I can do about that. Not because I don’t care, but because I haven’t figured anything out that works.”

Mr. Dunn nods slowly, and then asks, “Have you’ve ever gotten Lacey tested for anything?”

“Like what?” He pauses. “You don’t mean something like ADHD, do you?”

“That, or the possibility of giftedness, or even both. Lacey is very, very smart. She’s already impressed me multiple times, but I can’t tell if she’s bored with class material or if she’s naturally a bit inattentive.”

Ethan blinks at him. “She’s impressed you?”

“Many times.” Mr. Dunn’s face brightens. “I always have students who enjoy helping others with assignments and classwork, but Lacey not only understands the material, but goes two steps further and comes up with her own ways of figuring things out. A few of her methods have really helped some other students in understanding what’s being taught. Sometimes students who have a difficult time paying attention do poorly in their work because they missed the lesson, but Lacey doesn’t struggle with that. She knows very well what she’s doing.”

“I’m done, Mr. Dunn!” Lacey runs up next to him and waves the piece of paper in her hand at him. 

He turns around to look at her with his mouth agape. “Holy moley, that was fast! Did you double-check it?”

She nods her head. “Mm-hm, look!”

Mr. Dunn politely pushes her hand away and says, “How about you keep that in your folder and then we can check it tomorrow with the rest of the class? Just in case you want to make any changes.”

“Alright.”

Before she has a chance to leave, Ethan asks, “What have you got there, Lace?”

“My math homework.”

He glances over it. “Is that what all your math assignments look like?”

“Mm-hm.”

“Have you never shown your dad your assignments before?” Mr. Dunn asks.

Lacey shrugs.

“You don’t know?”

“I don’t need his help.”

Ethan cocks an eyebrow at her. “I heard you haven’t been turning in your homework.”

That makes Lacey frown. “Did Mr. Dunn tell on me?”

“You’re not in trouble,” Mr. Dunn tells her gently. “I was also telling your dad just how good you are at math and reading.”

“That’s why I don’t need his help.”

“Yes, but don’t you think he can help you remember when you need to turn homework in if you show it to him?”

She shrugs again.

“Well, your dad and I will talk more about it, then. How about you go erase the board so I can update it for tomorrow?”

She suddenly perks up. “Are you serious?”

“I need  _ somebody  _ to help me do it, and it’s not going to be your father.”

“Okay!” she chirps, and then she rushes off for the front of the room.

Once she’s gone, Ethan pinches the bridge of his nose and groans, “I’ve never seen her math homework before. I should have seen it before now.”

“Don’t worry about it too much, Mr. Hunt.”

“Ethan,” he says without thought. “I mean, you can call me Ethan.”

“Well, Ethan,” Mr. Dunn says, and the way that his face softens makes Ethan’s heart skip a beat, “there’s a simple solution to this that you can do at home.”

He goes to answer, but is immediately distracted by the way the afternoon light pours in through the window and lights up Mr. Dunn’s face. Ethan hadn’t noticed the brown flecks in his blue eyes until now, or the little lines around them that crinkle every time he smiles. He struggles to swallow before he finally says, “What’s that?”

A ghost of a smile twitches on Mr. Dunn’s face, as if he’s entirely aware of the fact that Ethan’s a bit tongue-tied because of him. “All the students in the school recently got planners. I’ve been letting my students have a few weeks to get used to having them, but next week, I’m going to start checking planners for a grade. Not a big grade, but it’s a way to make sure parents know what their students have assigned to them, when those assignments are due, when they have tests, and so on. For now, you can ask Lacey about her planner and what assignments she has, and maybe that will help her out.” He pauses. “Everything alright?”

Damn, had he gotten distracted by Mr. Dunn’s eyes again? “Yeah, sorry,” Ethan answers. “I was just thinking.”

“Do you have any questions or concerns about this?”

“No, um…” He clears his throat and looks away from Mr. Dunn. “I promise that I used to be more on top of this.”

“I’m not thinking poorly of you, if that’s what you’re thinking about.”

“It’s not that,” he sighs. “We used to keep tabs on Lacey’s homework, but it’s been a lot different since last semester.”

“Who’s ‘we’, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“My ex-wife and me,” Ethan murmurs. “We just got divorced this January.”

“Oh.”

“She would help Lacey with her homework because she had a similar problem last year, but I have full custody of Lacey now and we haven’t fully adjusted yet.”

“I understand.” Mr. Dunn’s voice is as low as Ethan’s now, but brimming with sympathy. “How has Lacey been coping with everything?”

“She’s alright, I think.” Ethan rubs his neck. “I didn’t want you to think I don’t care about her--”

“I think just the opposite,” he interrupts. “I’ve definitely run into parents who didn’t care about their children and you are not one of them. I’m sure it’s difficult being a single parent all of a sudden, but you care enough about her that you’re here talking to me about how you can help her.” Mr. Dunn puts his hand on Ethan’s shoulder and gives him a reassuring squeeze. “I think you’re doing good.”

His squeeze is like a jolt of electricity. Ethan lifts his head and meets his gaze, and for that moment, it’s like they’re the only two people in the world. And it’s stupid, because Mr. Dunn is only doing his job as well and being a decent person as well, but Ethan’s feeling like this is more than it really is, hoping that maybe Mr. Dunn feels it, too.

“Daddy, I’m hungry,” Lacey suddenly says from her desk.

Ethan tears his eyes away from Mr. Dunn and looks over at her. “I’ll start dinner when we get home. Okay, sweets?”

“Can we have spaghetti?”

“If that’s what you want.” He returns to Mr. Dunn. “Sorry--”

“No, no. I have nothing much more to say. I’ll let you two get on home.”

“Are you sure?”

“Mm-hm. For now, though, I’ll keep an eye out on her. I think maybe getting her to see the child psychologist for testing would be a good idea, but I’ll monitor her for a bit longer before we start seriously discussing that.”

“Sounds good.” The two of them get to their feet. “I’ll keep in contact, then. Thank you.”

“Wait, Ethan.” He grabs his forearm, and it’s another surge of electricity. “Really, if Lacey needs anything, feel free to reach out.”

“Okay.” Ethan sends him a smile. “Thanks, Mr. Dunn.”

“If I can call you Ethan, you can call me Benji.”

_ Benji _ , Ethan thinks, and his smile widens. It’s perfect for him. “Take care.”

“You too.” Benji looks over at Lacey and waves a hand. “I’ll see you tomorrow!”

“Bye, Mr. Dunn!” She skips over to Ethan and grabs his hand. “Can I help you make the spaghetti, Daddy? I’ll be careful with the water.”

“Alright, sweets.” He glances back at Benji one last time before they leave. “See you,” he says quietly. The only response he receives is a smile, but that’s enough for him.


	3. October

Ethan can tell Lacey is already restless by the way she fidgets as they walk hand-in-hand to the school entrance. Sure enough, once they pass through the doors, she unzips her jacket and tosses it towards him.

“Can’t you hold it?” he sighs as he catches it before it hits the ground.

She hums in response before hurrying off.

“Lacey, what did I say about running?”

“I’m not running!” she calls back.

“You’re still going too fast.”

“But if we get there quicker, we can get out quicker, and then we can bake cookies and watch a movie.”

“Not if I punish you first for running.”

She slows down slightly, but still slips away from him as she turns the corner and makes her way down the hallway to the third grade pod. When Ethan catches up, he finds that each classroom has a few chairs sitting outside of it, some vacant, some occupied by families waiting for their conference time. Lacey goes straight to the chair next to Benji’s door and takes a seat. Once Ethan joins her, she says, “I wonder who my teacher will be next year.”

“Next year?” he laughs. “You just finished the first quarter of this year.”

“Well, all the fourth grade teachers are in this pod too, so I see them a lot.” She points at a room at the end of the hallway. “See that one? That’s Ms. Faust’s room. She also has an accent.”

“That’s interesting,” Ethan says.

“I don’t know if she already knew Mr. Dunn or not. But they’re friends. I see them talking a lot.” She pauses, and then says, “I hope she’s my teacher next year.”

“Why’s that?”

“She’s cool. And Mr. Dunn likes her.”

Ethan reaches over to ruffle Lacey’s hair. “Do you like Mr. Dunn?”

“He’s the best.”

He sends her a smile. “It makes me happy to hear that.”

“He’s nice. He doesn’t get mad at me like my other teachers did. But he double checks my planner. That’s annoying.”

“He does that for me.”

“Why?”

“So I can help you.”

“I don’t ask for help.”

“But you need someone to remind you if your homework. That’s why you have the planner.”

“I think it’s annoying,” she repeats. Then she lightens up and says, “He told me I can read harder books. All the kids have to read the little books I hate, but I can read the longer books we’re not around to read yet because they’re too hard or something.”

“That’s exciting.”

“I get to go into the part of the library for older kids! Hailey tried to tattle on me the first time I went over there, but Mr. Dunn told her I had permission. She was so mad at me.” She giggles.

“Lace, didn’t I tell you to be friends with her this year?”

“What did I say that was mean?”

“You seem to be enjoying the fact she was wrong.”

“I’m  _ trying  _ to be nice, but she isn’t. She told me to get out of the fifth grade section and I didn’t tell her to shut up or anything mean like that. I was nice to her.”

“What did you tell her?”

“To mind her own beeswax.”

“Lace,” Ethan sighs, but any further lecturing is interrupted as the classroom door opens and a family leaves. Then Benji is at the door, smiling down at Ethan and Lacey.

“Good evening to you,” he greets.

“Hello, Mr. Dunn,” Lacey responds happily as she gets to her feet.

“Are you ready to present to your dad?”

“Mm-hm.”

“Come on in, then.” Benji gestures towards the table at the corner of the room. “I have your file pulled out already.”

Lacey leads them to the table and sits down in one of the chairs. Before Ethan does the same, he hears Benji murmur an apology, “Sorry for how low these chairs are.”

“Oh, I remember,” Ethan grins as he sets Lacey’s jacket on the table and sits down.

“I thought it’d be worth apologizing again.” He takes a seat next to Ethan.

“Wouldn’t it make more sense for you to be in your teacher’s chair tonight?”

“I told you, I can’t ever sit there when I’m talking with parents. Besides, I can get an easier view of what Lacey’s showing you.” He opens the folder in front of him to reveal a small stack of papers. Then he removes the first three pages and slides them over to Lacey. “Now, Ethan, have you ever participated in these student-led conferences before?”

“This is new for me.”

“It’s just our way of encouraging students to reflect on their progress. We have them fill out a few worksheets and they tell you how they feel about all that they’ve done.”

“Alright, then.” He looks over at Lacey. “How have you been doing this semester?”

“Well, I really like math,” she starts. “I think it’s really fun.”

“You like math the most?”

“Yeah.”

“But you say my job is boring? We do a lot of math.”

“And you talk about roads all day. That’s boring.”

“Ethan, please let her finish before asking questions,” Benji says, but there’s a hint of laughter in his voice. “What do you like about math?”

“It’s cool. Math is everywhere.”

“So is reading,” Ethan points out.

“But it’s exciting when you find the answer to a math problem,” she says. “You can’t figure anything out with reading. That’s why I said it’s my least favorite subject. The books we read are boring. But Mr. Dunn says I can start reading harder books like I told you.”

“We’ll address that soon enough,” he interrupts. “You’re doing very well in all subjects. Why don’t we talk about your behavior in the classroom?”

Lacey suddenly becomes sheepish. She flips the first page over and moves the second one towards Ethan, so he can get a better view of her messy handwriting in response to various statements and questions about how she is in class. “I think I’m friendly,” she starts. “I like to play with lots of kids. But sometimes I can’t pay attention…”

She continues on her explanation for the way she rated some of her behavior, but Ethan nearly tunes it out entirely when he realizes that Benji’s sitting with his arm resting on the back of Ethan’s chair. Chances are that Benji’s doing this without realizing it, that there’s absolutely no other motive behind this, because it feels inappropriate to even consider it when his daughter is in the middle of talking about how she’s going to improve her behavior during the second quarter. And yet that’s all Ethan can focus on, how close they are to each other, how Benji is leaned in as he listens to her, how Benji’s face would be so close to his if he turned his head--

“Any questions on Lacey’s part?”

Ethan blinks. “No,” he says after a beat. “Thanks, Lace.”

She scrunches her nose and cocks an eyebrow but doesn’t say anything. Instead, she pushes the folder back towards Benji and scoots back from the table. “Mr. Dunn’s turn.”

“Right.” He goes for the next sheet of paper, one that looks very similar to what Lacey had been presenting. “I agreed with Lacey’s evaluation of herself. She’s doing very, very well in her academics. The only problem is the homework issue we discussed last month, but I can tell the planner has definitely helped.”

“I’ve been trying,” Ethan sighs.

“That’s all I can ask you to do. I just want to emphasize that any bad grade you may see is more related to turning things in instead of any difficulty she has with the subject material.”

“I’ve never really been worried about that. She’s always been fast to learn things.”

Benji sends Ethan a grin and then looks over at Lacey. “Lacey, do you mind if I speak to your dad privately for a bit?”

“Can I draw on the board?”

“Lacey,” Ethan says, but Benji laughs.

“Just this once, but don’t let anyone know I let you.” He winks at her.

“Thank you!” She jumps to her feet and rushes over to the whiteboard. Ethan watches her for a moment before turning back to Benji, only to feel his face grow warm when Benji pushes against this arm gently to avoid bumping heads.

“Sorry,” Benji says with a gentle chuckle, “I didn’t mean to lean in so close, I was just watching--”

“It’s alright--”

Benji laughs again, this time a bit more flustered, but he doesn’t make any quick attempt to pull away. Rather, he pushes his seat back a bit and pulls the folder closer to them, flipping through the papers until he finds a graph. “These are your daughter’s testing scores,” he starts. “I mean -- these are--” He giggles for a third time. “Sorry, lost my train of thought.”

“That’s alright,” Ethan breathes in response with a shy grin.

There’s a brief pause before Benji finally begins again. “The graph here is the reading test we give students at the beginning of each year. We test speed and reading comprehension and then give them a similar test at the end of the year.”

“Yeah, I remember Lacey doing this before now.”

“Do you remember her always scoring this high?”

“Yeah. She’s always been way up high on this graph.”

“How about the other testing we do? The state-wide math and reading tests?”

“She’s always done good on those, too.”

Benji furrows his brow and purses his lips. “And none of her teachers have suggested adjusting what she’s learning in class?”

“No, not at all.” He pauses. “Are they supposed to?”

“Generally they do.” He strokes his chin and looks back at the paper in front of them. The sight of it makes Ethan’s stomach flip-flop. God, Benji had no right looking like that.

“I think they all thought she had a difficult enough time trying to even behave herself in class, so they never suggested anything else,” he explains.

“I don’t want to speak poorly on any of my colleagues, but that was a mistake. The sooner Lacey sees a child psychologist, the better. I have no doubt that she would excel completely if she got something harder to do.”

“Even with her behavior?”

“I think that’s even more of a reason to get her to see a child psychologist. Sometimes the behavioral problems are related to boredom. The more challenging the material, the less bored she’ll be, the less likely she is to act out.”

“You think that?”

“I’ve seen students like her dozens of times. She’s not the only one like this in her class, either. But the difference between them is that she’s never been fully evaluated for giftedness or ADHD.”

“So you’ve said,” Ethan murmurs.

“Look.” Benji reaches forward and places his hand gently on top of Ethan’s. Whether it’s intentional or done without realizing, Ethan doesn’t know, and he doesn’t really care, because either way, he’d be dizzy. “I know you said you’re already adjusting with a lot, but I think this is a really good idea. Lacey has so much to offer. I’d like to try to help her unlock some of that potential further.”

“I have no doubt about that,” Ethan gets out at last. “I guess I’m not too sure about what to do, where to find a psychologist--”

“We have one at the school. All you have to do is attend a meeting with me and the principal. We can set up a time for Lacey to meet with our psychologist during school hours. Then, depending on how that goes, we can have an IEP all ready for her.”

“IEP?”

“Individualized education program.” Benji glances down at his fingers before yanking them away from Ethan’s. “Sorry.”

“Sorry for wh--” He bites his tongue before he says anything more, but the damage is done, given the way Benji slightly blushes.

“Not explaining what IEP means,” is his answer, but then he timidly meets Ethan’s gaze again. “And the hand too, I wasn’t meaning to cross any boundaries--”

“It’s okay.”

“Got a bit caught up in my head, I guess. I feel strongly about students like Lacey.”

“Why’s that?”

That question makes him relax a bit. “I’m not sure I can fully answer that without getting accused of bias.”

“I don’t really feel like accusing you of anything.”

“It’s just that I was a bit like her growing up. I care for all my students equally, of course, but kids like Lacey make me shake my head and laugh because I was exactly like them.”

“What’s wrong with saying that.”

“Relatability is always good and so on, but I’m always worried about some unhappy parent thinking I’m penalizing their child because of favoritism or whatever else based on our similarities.”

“Something tells me that you’re unlikely to do that.”

“Better safe than sorry, right?” Again, Benji smiles at him, but this is his shyest one yet, like he had done something terribly wrong by touching Ethan’s hand and he’s still thinking about it. And the way his eyes crinkle and he dips his head out of embarrassment -- Jesus Christ, he’s cute. Then he continues with, “I didn’t want to bring this up in front of her if you ultimately decided against this, which is why I sent her away, but if you give this a go, it might be a good idea to give her a head’s up about the psychologist after we have our meeting.”

“When can we set that up?”

“I’ll have to email both you and the principal. Is that alright?”

“Anything to help Lacey”

“Hopefully this will help her very much.” Benji’s face brightens. “I don’t know what activities Lacey is involved in, but I think she would benefit from extra stimulation outside of just academics. I heard she’s quite good in her music class.”

“So you’re trying to get me to put my kid in some extracurriculars?”

“Only if you decide on it,” Benji answers, eyes dancing. “I don’t know how busy you are, of course, or how much you can afford, but I thought I might give you some ideas for alleyways that Lacey could explore.”

Ethan doesn’t answer immediately. Rather, he holds Benji’s gaze, taking in those beautiful brown flecks of his eyes, feeling completely comfortable even if it’s obvious he’s staring. And Benji seems just as relaxed as he is in that brief caesura, expression only changing once Ethan says, “Lacey really likes you.” That’s when he dips his head slightly again, like he’s trying to hide the pink of his cheeks and the flattered grin on his lips.

“I enjoy having her as my student, too.”

“No, I mean, she  _ really  _ likes you. I haven’t seen her be excited to go to school for a while now and you’re so kind to her…” Ethan hesitates. “I can’t think you enough, really. I was dreading doing this as a single dad--”

“That’s just my job,” he interrupts, and for a moment Ethan wonders if he’s embarrassing him, but then his fingers are brushing against his again as he shoves the folder out of the way. That time has to be more intentional. Or at least Ethan tells himself that, maybe because he wants to believe it is.

“You’ve already done more for Lacey and me than any other teacher.”

“I wish that wasn’t the case.” Benj’s eyes flitter down to Ethan’s lips and makes his heart leap to his throat. “I don’t think I’m doing anything teachers shouldn’t already be doing.”

“Can’t you take a compliment?” Ethan asks with a grin.

“I’ve always been bad at that, admittedly.”

Ethan’s smile grows before he also glances down at Benji’s lips and swallows. This is hardly the time or place to get distracted by someone like this, but Benji doesn’t seem to be faring any better than him. And maybe it’s ridiculous of him to have a crush this intense on someone he’s only interacted with a few times, but the way Benji hesitates to say anything more makes him feel just as exhilirated as any other crush he had ever experienced before now.

“Daddy,” comes Lacey’s voice, and their moment ends when Ethan tears his eyes away from Benji and turns towards his daughter.

“Yes, hon?”

“Look what I drew.” She pointed at a scene of a bee and a flower on the board.

“Wow, that’s really good, Lace.”

“Lacey, do you mind coming over here?” Benji asks.

She puts the cap back on the marker in her hand, sets it down on the whiteboard tray, and returns to the table. “Am I in trouble now?” she asks as she sits down again.

“No,” Benji laughs, “I just wanted to talk more about the book thing.”

“Oh.” She sits up straighter.

“I think, for your reading groups, I’ll give you something a bit more to read. How do you feel about that?”

“ _ Please _ , I hate having to read all the books everyone else reads.”

“Don’t bring too much attention to it, alright? We wouldn’t want anyone to feel bad.”

She pulls an imaginary zipper across her lips. “Thank you, Mr. Dunn.”

“You’re very welcome.” He stops and looks back at Ethan. “I think that’s all I have to say to the two of you. Any questions?”

“I guess I can ask you anything I need to know over email,” Ethan answers.

“But any questions for the time being?”

“I don’t think so. Lace?”

“Mm-mm,” she says with a shake of her head. “Can we go make cookies now?”

Benji gasps. “Cookies? You and your dad always have something fun planned, huh?”

“He  _ never  _ makes cookies, but he’s doing it because the first quarter is over.”

“Go make some cookies, then!” Benji stands up, prompting the other two to do the same. Then he smiles as he turns to Ethan. “It was a pleasure talking to you again.”

“You too.” They shake hands, but Ethan doesn’t draw his hand away immediately, and neither does Benji. That bashful grin blossoms across Benji’s face again before he finally shoves both of his hands back into his pockets. “Talk to you soon.”

“Talk to you soon,” Ethan repeats softly.

“Bye, Mr. Dunn!” Lacey grabs Ethan’s hand. “I’ll see you next week.”

They start their way to the door before Benji calls, “Wait!” When Ethan turns around, Benji’s handing over a Lacey’s jacket. “You almost forgot.”

“Oh,” Ethan laughs, “thank you.” He ignores the frown on Lacey’s face as he hands her jacket over. “I’ll see you later.”

“I look forward to it,” he responds, and Ethan’s heart melts.


	4. November

There had always been some part of Ethan waiting for the day he’d be called to the principal’s office for something Lacey did, but the circumstances of this particular meeting is nothing he ever anticipated. And he’s not sure if it’s ultimately better or worse, because he feels a bit useless as he is, especially considering that whatever decision is made will affect Lacey’s education from here on out, and the last thing he’d ever want to do is hurt her. It’s that fact that leaves him jittery as he enters the school and turns towards the front desk, tentatively returning the secretary’s smile as he approaches her.

“Good morning,” she greets. “How can I help you?”

“I have a meeting with the principal at 10:30.”

“And what’s your name?”

“Ethan Hunt. It’s about my daughter, Lacey.”

“Ah, yes, he told me you were coming. If you can check in right here--” she taps a clipboard on the desk “--I can pop back and tell him you’re out here waiting. Feel free to take a seat.” She gets to her feet and disappears down a hallway, leaving Ethan alone with the clipboard staring back at him. He fiddles with the pen, jots his name down, and then remains where he’s at, choosing to look over all of the other names on the sign-in sheet instead of sitting down. None of the names digest as he skims his eyes across them, just because he’s so stuck in his own head at the moment, wondering what exactly to expect. Benji’s confidence about the whole ordeal is the one thing reassuring him that he’s not making a complete mistake, but he still can’t quite shake that feeling.

“Mr. Hunt?”

Ethan looks up to see the secretary standing in front of him.

“Mr. Hunley is ready to see you,” she tells him with a smile. “This way, please.”

He follows her back to a conference room. At the head of the table is the school principal, who Ethan frequently saw at events he attended for Lacey’s sake, but, as he realizes now, he had never actually met. When the secretary knocks her fist against the door, he turns to look at Ethan and then gets to his feet. “You must be Mr. Hunt,” he says as he holds out his hand.

“You can call me Ethan.” He gives him a firm shake.

“Mr. Hunley. Nice to meet you.”

“You too.”

The principal takes a step back and nods towards the table. “Take a seat,” he tells him. “Mr. Dunn should be here whenever his substitute shows up.”

“I’m pulling him out of class?” Ethan asks as he sits down.

“His class can manage without him for a bit.”

“How long will this take?”

“Depends on the circumstances. Nothing too long.”

Ethan wants to ask how long “too long” is, but they’re interrupted as Benji enters quickly. “Sorry, sorry,” he breathes as he sits opposite of Ethan. “I hope I haven’t kept you waiting.”

“Not at all,” Mr. Hunley says. “You already know--”

“Ethan,” Benji interrupts. Then he smiles at Ethan, with that same sweet and disarming smile Ethan’s seen before, and it’s still just as charming as ever. When Benji reaches his hand across the table, Ethan gladly takes it, giving him a much gentler shake than he otherwise would, just because it’s Benji. This time, he pays more attention to how it feels, the way Benji lightly grips his hand, the weight of his hand in his, and then scolds himself for behaving like a lovestruck teenager.

When they pull away, Mr. Hunley takes a breath and says, “Well, since we’re all here, I see no reason in wasting any time. Benji, if you’ll present your case…”

Benji tears his eyes away from Ethan. “Right.” He opens up the folder in front of him and pulls out the same graphs he had shown Ethan only two weeks prior. “Lacey has shown outstanding performance in every subject area. Here are her scores for the annual fall progress testing.” He passes over two sheets with columns of numbers before looking over at Ethan. “Do you know how to read this?”

“I’m unfamiliar.”

“These are the reading results up here.” He taps his finger next to a number near the top of the page. “This is your daughter’s score. Here are her subscores.” He drags his finger down to the chart below. “And these are the state averages, just so you can compare. You can see what percentile she scored in here.”

Ethan skims over the information on the page. “Huh,” he says as he looks over the percentile scores. “I had no idea she’s doing better than…”

“Almost everyone?” Benji offers. “Her math scores are similar.” He grabs the next page and sets it next to the first one. “Lacey was able to figure out concepts that we haven’t even taught students her age.”

“Wow,” Ethan says dumbly, but he has no idea what else to say. “I knew Lacey was good at reading and math, but I didn’t realize she was this good.”

“She’s an only child, isn’t she? It’s difficult to realize when you have nothing to compare it to.”

“These scores really are exceptional,” Mr. Hunley says as he rubs his chin. “How come I haven’t seen Lacey in here before?”

“That’s what I’ve been asking, too.”

“Are there any other concerns with her?”

“Well, there is one, actually. Ethan and I have already discussed this, and I wanted to get a better feel before I approached you--”

“What’s the concern?” he interrupts, but it doesn’t feel impatient. The way Benji immediately stops signals to Ethan that he’s used to being cut off, and the image of Benji rambling so frequently that he needs someone else to tell him when enough is enough fills Ethan’s mind and brings the smallest grin to his face. Damn, he’s cute.

“ADHD,” Benji responds. “That can easily be evaluated by a child psychologist in the same test, but I don’t have to explain that to you.”

“What problems does she have in class because of it?”

“Mostly behavioral. Inattentiveness, restlessness, the standard sort of symptoms. Academically, she only forgets about homework here and there, but she’s intelligent enough to catch up on anything she might have missed due to her inattentiveness. I think it’s for that reason that none of her past teachers have recommended an IEP for her.”

“So what do you recommend doing?”

“Get her tested, and then give her harder material if that’s what we find through testing. The ADHD thing can be treated through medication, if medication is recommended and that’s what Ethan chooses to do.” Benji meets Ethan’s look and sends him a reassuring smile.

Mr. Hunley gives a slow nod as he looks over the papers in front of him. “Any other evidence?”

“I do have some of her earlier scores here.” He grabs a number of pages from the file and hands them over. “She’s been high-scoring from the start.”

He frowns. “And nobody has ever mentioned her to me.”

“It’s very puzzling.”

“These scores should have had her tested a long time ago.” He sets the papers back down on the table before turning towards Ethan. “How do you feel about the possibility of testing your daughter?”

“Benji recommends it.”

“But what are you feeling?”

“I want whatever is best for my daughter. If that means harder things, then give her harder things. But I don’t want to make school too hard for her, either.”

“That’s what IEPs are for,” Benji explains warmly. “We’ll monitor her progress and set up goals for her with a meeting each semester. If she’s struggling, we amend the IEP. Simple as that.”

Ethan gnaws on his lower lip for a moment before asking, “And you’re testing her for both giftedness and ADHD?”

“Just to make sure her needs are being properly addressed.”

He hesitates for a moment, letting the words digest for a bit, all the implications running through his mind, before he settles on, “What would the IEP look like?”

“That’s why we’re meeting now,” Mr. Hunley says. “I’m in favor of it.”

“Show me what you’re thinking, then.”

“Right,” Benji says as he opens the folder again. “Here are some of my suggestions.”

* * *

The meeting goes by much quicker than Ethan expects, and it seems that Mr. Hunley and Benji are feeling the same way. When it ends, they all shake hands and say their goodbyes, and both Ethan and Benji leave the room. Once in the main office lobby, Ethan leans towards Benji and asks, “Do those meetings usually go that fast?”

“Oh, typically, if the student is a shoo-in. It was also a bit faster because Mr. Brandt couldn’t join us today.”

“Brandt?”

“He works with gifted students at our school. I’m always in close contact with him, though, so I have no concern about his judgement of Lacey and her suitability for the program.”

“Are all teachers close to him, or--”

“Oh, no, I’m just a bit closer. I think I have a better understanding of children in the program than other teachers.”

“Why’s that?”

Benji sends Ethan a bashful grin.

“You were one of them, weren’t you?”

“Not exactly, because my school didn’t operate the same way, but the struggles were the same. But you’re a civil engineer! I’m sure you were the same way.”

Ethan stops and furrows his brow. “Now that you mention it…”

“I have this nagging little feeling that you were just like Lacey.”

“If you consider the school daredevil to be the same as Lacey, maybe.”

“Oh, my god,” Benji laughs. “I have to hear about this.”

That makes Ethan hesitate. “I wouldn’t mind talking to you at all, but I wouldn’t want to keep you from your class.”

“Well.” Benji rolls up his sleeve and reveals a fashionable watch. “I have a sub taking over until 12:30.”

“I’m off for the rest of the day.”

“Then we have time to talk.” Benji flashes that smile at Ethan that absolutely melts him.

“You have to eat before you go back, don’t you?”

“That would be the best idea.”

“What about an early lunch, then? Are you able to do that?”

“Oh,” he sighs with a grin, “I think we can do that.”

“Maybe you can answer some questions I have about Lacey.”

“Yes, definitely.”

Ethan can feel the heat rising to his cheeks as some silly part of him tells him this is a date, but he shoves it aside and says, “You know that one café--”

“Oh, my god, I love that one,” Benji interrupts. “Let me check out real fast, and then I’ll meet you there, alright?”

“Alright,” Ethan responds, praying to anything that Benji can’t notice the way he blushes.

* * *

When Ethan arrives at the café, he dawdles a bit in his car until he realizes that Benji has no idea what his car looks like and vice versa. So he gets out of the car, holding his jacket tighter around his throat as he waits in the chilly breeze outside of the building. Only a couple of minutes pass before Benji arrives, an apologetic expression on his face as he shuts his car door behind him.

“You could have waited inside,” he tells Ethan.

“I’m fine.”

“And they say chivalry is dead.”

“I haven’t even gotten the chance to hold the door open for you yet.”

“Then get on it,” Benji teases.

“Alright, your highness.”

He winces. “I don’t know about that one.”

Ethan laughs and holds the door open anyway. Once they’re both inside, they let out relieved sighs at the sudden blast of warmth. There are already a number of people inside, adding further to the pleasant, cozy ambiance of the café. Benji doesn’t waste time in approaching the counter and placing his order. Before he can pay, though, Ethan interrupts with, “Hold on, I’m ordering with him.”

Benji sends him a confused look. “Aren’t we paying separately?”

“I can pay for both of us.”

“Ethan--”

“I’m on an engineer’s salary,” he interrupts. “I can pay for it.”

“Ah, so you’re insulting my choice in career. Great way to start this outing.” He gives Ethan’s arm a grateful squeeze and Ethan’s head spins. “I’ll go get a table.”

“Alright.” Ethan turns his attention back to the cashier and murmurs his apology before ordering and paying. Then he finds Benji, looking out of the window next to the table he chose, and sets the small number in his hand on the table before sitting opposite of him. “You weren’t really offended by the salary remark, were you?” Ethan asks.

“Hardly,” Benji laughs. “Thank you for paying.”

“Consider it a small demonstration of my gratitude for how great you’ve been to my daughter.”

“Oh, it’s so easy to do that. She’s really a great student. Very smart, very funny.”

“I’m serious when I say she adores you. She comes home and tells me all about you.”

“Uh oh,” he snorts. “How much do you know about me, then?”

“Just that you seem like a great person.”

“Mm,” Benji hums as he bows his head.

Ethan quickly adds, “Also that you have a cat named Boots.”

The embarrassment melts away from Benji’s face. “She told you about Boots?”

“She wants a cat because of him.”

“Do you like cats?” he asks as he pulls his phone out of his pocket and swipes around on the screen. “I need to ask you before I shove a picture of him in your face.”

“I’m more of a dog -- oh, my god.”

Benji has a picture of Boots already pulled up. He’s a dark, short-haired cat with white feet and the roundest eyes Ethan’s ever seen.

“That’s a cute cat,” Ethan says.

“Isn’t he precious?” He takes his phone away. “I wasn’t planning on getting a cat, but I saw him after my partner wanted to look at animals and I just _ had _to get him.”

Partner. That one word makes Ethan’s heart sink. “Lacey’s never mentioned that you have a partner.”

“Oh, my ex-partner. I’m single.”

And now his heart raises to his throat. “Sorry if that was an intrusive question--”

“It’s valid, I think. Primary school teachers always talk about their husbands and kids, don’t they? I have neither. But I do have Boots.”

“Maybe I’ll have to get Lacey and myself a cat if they’re that cute.”

“Glad I could convert you. I also like dogs, of course, but cats are easier when you live in an apartment. My ex understood that, but he was still a little disappointed I got a cat and not a dog.”

_ He _. Ethan’s heart somehow lurches even further up his throat. “Did he not like Boots?”

“He liked Boots very much, but he really loved dogs. It’s better that I got Boots and not a dog like he wanted, though, because he just moved to Oregon a few months ago.”

“He moved after you…?”

“More like the reason why we broke up.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Benji reassures him. “We weren’t very serious. I still talk to him from time to time, but there’s no hard feelings.”

“That’s always a nice situation to be in.”

Benji winces again. “I feel like an asshole for talking about this after you told me you’re newly divorced.”

“I asked.”

“But it still feels bad. Or maybe it’s because I’m trying to decide how ethical it is for me to discuss my love life with parents.”

“You’re not giving me the in-and-outs or anything.”

“I’m going to steer the conversation back to Lacey, anyway. What questions do you still have about this morning?”

It makes sense for him to say that, especially since Ethan had just used that excuse, but Lacey suddenly doesn’t seem as interesting as other things he wants to talk about. “I think it might just be one of those things where I have to just wait and see how things play out.”

“Standard parental anxieties?”

“Basically.”

Benji smiles and leans back in his chair. “You know, I’m very interested in hearing more about what you were like as a child,” he says. “Especially if you say you were a daredevil.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because every interaction I’ve had with you has been a worried dad kind of interaction. It seems very counterintuitive.”

Their conversation is interrupted as a waitress approaches them with their orders. Both of them thank her before she heads back to the kitchen. Ethan glances over Benji’s bowl and asks, “What kind of soup is that?”

“It’s their butternut squash soup,” he answers. “It’s absolutely delicious, I always get it when I’m here. It’s especially good when it’s cold outside.”

“So perfect for today.”

“Hopefully this will be a good substitute for the fact I forgot to wear my scarf.”

The image of Benji all wrapped up in a wool scarf crosses Ethan’s mind and nearly makes him blush. Dammit, he’s _cute_. “Maybe you can show it off to me another day.”

“That implies you and I are going to meet up again.”

“You’re my daughter’s teacher, aren’t you?”

“Yes, but…”

“But…?”

Benji smirks shyly before he picks up his spoon. “You need to tell me about little Ethan.”

“It’s really nothing interesting,” Ethan answers. “Boys will be boys, and so on.”

“Except I was definitely not a daredevil and I was very much a little boy at one point.”

“I’m sure you knew kids like me.”

“But I didn’t know you specifically, which is what I want to hear. Especially to see how similar Lacey really is to you.”

“Shit.” Ethan scratches his eyebrow. “Well, uh, I broke my wrist once jumping off the garage.”

“You didn’t.”

“I thought I would land on my feet.”

“How old were you?”

“Eight, maybe?” He lets out an embarrassed laugh. “That’s the standard sort of behavior for kids like me, though. Just a lot of stupid stunts and roughhousing.”

“I was just a nerd,” Benji tells him, “plain and simple, so you can tell me all about your stupid stunts and roughhousing.”

“That’s the problem, there were so many of them I don’t know where to begin.”

“So you broke your wrist. Any other broken bones?”

“Does chipping a tooth count as a broken bone?”

“What was the context?”

“Fighting in the street.”

“Fighting?” he gasps.

Ethan sends him an ashamed nod.

“What happened to you?” Benji laughs. “From street-fighter and daredevil to a father worried about his daughter being slightly rowdy in class.”

“That’s just growing up.”

“But that’s not universally true.”

“Oh, I don’t know. I took my path, got my own responsibilities. I think having a daughter humbled me the most. You have a kid and all your priorities change.”

“So I’ve heard.”

“You lose time for all the stunts when you’re a parent. And then you think back on what you did as a kid and laugh because you can’t ever see your kid doing the same thing, but kids never really change, do they?”

“They’re always going to be a bit stupid, but that’s the loveable thing about kids. They make mistakes but they’re always learning.”

A small smile flickers on Ethan’s lips. “I’m sure some parent would tell you that you can only say that because you don’t have kids.”

“Maybe, but I do also work with twenty something children for seven hours a day, five days a week. It’s a bit in my nature to enjoy being around them.”

It seems silly, but the way Benji talks about kids makes Ethan’s heart beat a little bit faster. Everything about him feels so genuine and so happy with all that he’s doing, and it’s contagious. So much so that Ethan feels completely at ease with Benji despite their few meetings, just because he’s so nice to be around, so lovely that they could sit in complete silence and Ethan wouldn’t feel pressured to say anything.

“So does your love of kids end at the classroom, or have you ever thought--”

“Of being a dad?” Benji finishes. “I don’t know, it’s just something that always seemed out of the cards for me.”

“Why?”

Benji suddenly gets bashful. “I mentioned it before, I think.”

“What’s that?”

“I’m gay.” He lets out a nervous laugh. “My partner, um--”

“That’s right,” Ethan interrupts. “Sorry, I picked that up from the usage of ‘he,’ I just wasn’t thinking--”

“I try not to bring it up too much around parents just in case--”

They both stop and stare at each other. Benji breaks the silence with another laugh.

“Sorry, coming out to parents and students is the last thing on my list of things I plan on addressing with parents and students.”

“No, it’s alright,” he reassures him. “I’m not going to say anything.”

“I didn’t want to say anything--”

“I’m not actually, uh--”

They both stop again. Then Benji says, “Oh.”

“I thought it might be fair if I told you as well.”

“Right.” A third laugh. “I guess that’s a better response than to find out you’re homophobic.”

“Just the opposite.”

Benji doesn’t answer, but instead ducks his head. He’s done it enough times by now that Ethan knows there’s a light blush forming on his cheeks, but the realization that he’s flustered Benji makes his stomach flutter. And of course he could be flustered from having to come out again, but there’s something that tells Ethan it’s less of that and more that Ethan told him he’s bisexual. Or it’s wishful thinking that maybe Benji has a similar crush on him.

“So, um,” Benji starts finally. “Lacey.”

His daughter is definitely the last thing he wants to talk about now, but he doesn’t brush away from her for Benji’s sake. “The testing thing -- is that anything I have to take her to?”

“No, no,” he responds quickly. “They pull her out during class. It usually takes an hour or so.”

“How does that affect her? Not being in class, I mean?”

“It’s not like she couldn’t catch up on anything she’d miss. She won’t lose any points or anything, either. It’s an excused absence scheduled around tests and such. Does that make you feel better?”

“A bit, yeah.”

“She’s in good hands.” Benji reaches across the table and grasps his hand around Ethan’s. “Trust me.”

Ethan’s face goes hot as he struggles to meet Benji’s gaze. “I do.”

Another moment passes before Benji seems to notice that he’s holding Ethan’s hand, a realization that makes him smile bashfully and yank his hand away as he quickly takes a spoonful of his soup. “Tell me if I do something stupid, please,” he murmurs after. “I just do things without thinking -- maybe another similarity between your daughter and me, but I get so caught up in my--”

“Don’t get yourself worked up,” Ethan reassures him. “I’ve had worse things happen than someone touching my hand.”

“I know people have boundaries, though--”

“Benji, it’s fine.”

“If you say so.”

“I say so.”

Another nervous grin flits across Benji’s lips. “I don’t mean to seem so inept at socializing today.”

“I’m enjoying our conversation, if that makes you feel better.”

“Well, that's nice to hear.”

Part of Ethan wants to reassure Benji further, but he has to drop himself before he says anything stupid himself, like the fact that he thinks Benji’s nerves are more endearing than off-putting. Then he wonders if it would only fluster Benji more if he knew about Ethan’s silly crush.

Instead, he quietly eats, enjoying the silence between them and the way the late morning sun illuminates Benji’s face. He looks as if he’s deep in thought, just as comfortable as Ethan in, unaware of the fact that Ethan’s staring at him without fear of being caught. It’s only when Benji turns towards Ethan that Ethan quickly says, “You said you were a lot like Lacey.”

Their eyes meet again. “I did.”

“She does that too.”

“What?”

“She gets quiet sometimes because she’s just thinking.”

“Oh.” He shifts in his chair. “I just told you that I get lost in my head without realizing it.”

“So does she. And me, for that matter.”

“Then we have something in common. Although all that thinking somehow didn’t prevent you from jumping off a roof.”

“I thought a lot about how I should do it.”

“But zero thought about breaking your ankles.”

“I did think about that, actually. I didn’t break my ankles.”

“But you broke your wrist.”

“No comment.”

“Let’s hope Lacey doesn’t try that,” Benji says, eyes gleaming.

“You know where to find me.”

“Might as well have your number on speed dial at that point.”

“You would need my number first.”

“I have--” He stops suddenly. “You know, if you were anyone else, I’d call you out for flirting with me.”

The word _flirting_ makes Ethan’s heart race. “Does that mean I’m allowed to flirt?”

“No, I mean I would assume you weren’t because you’re the parent of one of my students.”

“Stranger things have happened, don’t you think?”

“Perhaps,” Benji replies softly, and Ethan feels weak. Shit, getting lunch with him might have been a mistake.

He clears his throat and says, “In all seriousness, though, if you have to call me--”

“I would only do that in an emergency,” he interrupts. “The school has your number on file, anyway.”

“Right.” He tries not to let his shoulders droop.

Benji fidgets with his spoon. “But I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to have it in my phone since I talk to you so often about Lacey.”

Ethan blinks at him. “If you say so.”

“It might be useful. Just so I can reach out if something serious is happening in class or if you have any questions.” Benji hands over his phone. “I’ll send you a message.”

Ethan takes Benji’s phone from him and types in his information, still in total disbelief that they’re exchanging numbers, and gives it back. Benji types something quickly, and a moment later Ethan’s phone vibrates. “I assume that’s you,” he tells Benji.

“Do you usually have people messaging you?”

“Kind of. I manage a lot of projects at my workplace.”

“So how does managing a bunch of people in transportation compare to running a class of 22 eight and nine year olds?”

“Probably about the same,” Ethan answers, and they both giggle.

“They’re really that bad?”

“Why do you think construction takes so long?”

Benji shuts his eyes as he giggles a second time, and Ethan’s heart pangs. “Every time I get stuck in construction I’ll think of you and all your adult third graders.”

“Because that’s what I want to be remembered for.”

“Too late.”

“Are you sure I can’t change your mind?”

“Not right now.”

“Damn,” he sighs, and Benji smiles again.

“Your daughter remains untouched by your reputation, at least.”

“Not that she couldn’t mess hers up on her own.”

“Any teacher who’s bothered by her has no business teaching.” He pauses. “I’m only saying that because we’re not on campus. If you repeat that around anyone at the school, I might have to kill you.”

“There’s a headline. Teacher kills parent in defense of student.”

“Maybe it wouldn’t be the best idea to kill you, since Lacey needs you. But if you repeat it…”

Ethan pulls an invisible zipper across his lips. “All your teacher drama is safe with me.”

“You know, that’s been an interesting part of my job,” he says. “I only half paid attention to inter-teacher relationships when I was in school, but now I am a teacher and I’m always wondering if my students can tell who I like and dislike.”

“All I’ve heard is that you like Ms. Faust.”

“Ilsa,” he says with a large smile. “Did Lacey tell you that?”

“She mentioned it.”

“She’s a good friend of mine. Coincidentally also from across the pond.”

“How did that happen?”

“Beats me,” he laughs. “I’m an Army brat, but my family went back to England and I stayed here. Her father is in business.”

“Wait, they left you here?”

“I was already in school for teaching. I’m not terribly hurt by it, really. I wanted to stay. I miss home every so often but there’s a strange charm about the US despite everything.”

“Despite?”

“I _ know _I don’t need to explain what I mean by that to you.”

Ethan grins. “Well, I’m glad you stayed.”

“Don’t get sappy on me, I’m a bit prone to getting emotional.” Benji pushes his bowl away from him. “Thank you for paying, again, even if you did insult me.”

“I have to get a few jabs in before you can fully blackmail me for my career.”

“Right.” He smiles, and then pauses. “Part of me wants to rush back to school, but the other part of me doesn’t quite want to deal with 22 kids asking where I was this morning.”

“You still have time if you just want to sit here.”

“I don’t want to hold you up, either.”

“Hey, I have nowhere else to be.”

“It might be good if I get back to get my lesson plan in order for this afternoon.” He gnaws on his lower lip and flicks his eyes back up at Ethan. “What’s the civil engineering equivalent of a lesson plan?”

“A meeting, probably.”

“Teachers having meetings too.”

“That’s the closest I can get.”

Benji tsks his tongue. “All those roads.”

“God, it was a mistake telling you about that.”

He laughs. “It’s been really great talking to you, Ethan.”

“Same for you.”

“I’d say that I hope we can talk more in the future, but given your daughter, that seems guaranteed.”

“Hopefully all of those conversations are just as positive as this one.”

“I think it might be challenging to ever have a negative conversation with you.”

Benji’s earlier remark about flirting flashes through his head, but he decides to keep it to himself. “I admire your faith in this relationship.”

“What, do you want me to start a fight?”

“Not right now.”

“But later?”

“Maybe.”

“So I just mention what you’ve said to Lacey’s former teachers--”

“Oh, god, no.”

“Well, if you want a fight--”

“This seems like a bit of mutually assured destruction.”

“Maybe it is,” Ethan chuckles.

“Then our relationship stays positive, it’s decided.”

“You want to shake on that?” He sticks his hand across the table teasingly, but Benji reaches out and does just that. 

“There.” He tugs his hand away from Ethan before they can linger for too long. But the damage is already done, the sensation of Benji’s hand in his radiating across his palm even after it’s gone, and it drives Ethan crazy that he’s so attentive to details when he’s pushing 50 and with a man he’s supposed to be professional with. A part of him tells him that maybe Benji was right in wanting to leave, that it would be better for the both of them if they ended this conversation now and went their separate ways. But this has all been going so well, and he’s not going to lose a chance to talk to Benji because of nerves. So he leans closer, smiles, and says, “So Lacey was telling me about your last history lesson…”


	5. December

Ethan’s already familiar with the class parties held at the elementary school, especially since Lacey is always so excited for them, enough that she always begs Ethan to be a parent volunteer. And he’s always had to say no because of work, giving her an apologetic hug before she sulks off, trying not to feel too bad that he has adult responsibilities while mulling over the possibility that he’s accidentally ruining his daughter’s psyche. But when she asks this time, he hesitates and tells her, “Yes.”

Maybe his reasoning is bad, he thinks as he passes through the school with some food items in hand. Of course he’s here for Lacey and of course he wants to make her happy, but the fact that Benji is her teacher is just an added bonus. It had been over a month since he had last seen him, just because the IEP was working well enough that no further action was necessary, but he wants to see him again, even if that requires watching a bunch of children at a class party on the last day of the semester.

When he arrives to the room, he sees that there’s already two mothers inside the room quietly preparing things. He crosses through the back of the room, noticing that only half the students are focused on Benji while the other half eye the back of the room. Then he sees Lacey energetically waving at him, and he sends a short wave back before pointing at Benji and turning towards one of the counters.

A mother approaches him, quietly giving him something to do while Benji finishes up with whatever he’s telling the students about, until, finally, he hears him say, “Let’s line up, everyone,” and the room immediately breaks out in energetic chatter between students. Benji does his best to corral kids away from parents and into a line before checking to make sure everyone is in place and leading them out.

“Alright,” says a woman that Ethan recognizes as the mother who’s constantly emailing the rest of the parents about classroom events, “we’re going to finish setting up snacks over here, but I’m going to need a volunteer to get the snowflake activity ready.”

“I can handle that, Angela,” says the woman next to Ethan.

“Terrific.” She turns her gaze to Ethan. “I’m sorry, I don’t think I’ve met you before.”

“Ethan Hunt,” he returns.

“Well, Ethan, would you mind monitoring the snacks? Kids have a tendency to make a mess even when it seems unlikely. They’re allowed to take whatever they want, but just monitor them so they’re not taking five cookies at once.”

“I can do that.”

“Great. Thank you.”

Angela continues delegating tasks as another dad enters the room while Ethan makes his way over to the table in the corner. He finishes laying out food and plates, and then waits for the class to return. Right as they approach the door, Angela flips on some fitting music and then hurries over to usher them into the activity she had mentioned.

Benji is the last to enter the room, smiling absent-mindedly at his students as he circles around them and heads for his desk. Ethan watches as he flips through some papers and jots something down; then he lifts his head, notices Ethan, smiles, and walks towards him. “What are you doing here?” he asks.

“Lacey wanted me to come to one of these class parties.”

“And how much is this going to knock your group of engineers off course?”

Ethan grins. “They can manage.”

“So they’re out trying to solve the problems with the state of infrastructure, and you’re here doing cupcake duty.”

“Somebody has to.”

“Glad it’s you,” Benji replies, and Ethan’s heart melts.

“I’m sure Lacey is too.”

“Well, she’s always very excited, isn’t she?”

“She’s been begging me to come to one of these since first grade.” Ethan smiles. “How’s school been?”

“Well,” he sighs in response, and then pauses as he looks over at his students. “We’re halfway through the year now.”

“Isn’t that crazy?”

“Which is precisely the reason I was going to say that it feels a bit overwhelming. A school year feels so long to students, but when you’re a teacher, each year goes by faster and you have to say goodbye to all these kids you’ve gotten attached to.” His gaze turns pensive. “Sometimes I wonder if I should have been a high school teacher so students would be more likely to keep in touch.”

“Do you think you should have?”

“I think I like this age range too much.” He looks back at Ethan, now. “I’ve been thinking more and more within the last few years that my regret isn’t so much that I’m teaching the wrong age group but rather that I wish I had kids of my own. Just a child to maintain that bond with past third grade, you know?” He shrugs. “But I’m gay.”

“That doesn’t mean you can’t ever be a father.”

“It sure makes it difficult, though. Discriminatory adoption agencies, the fact that I can’t even get married.” He shrugs a second time. “But I still wish I had a child of my own. Especially now that I’m pushing 40.” He pauses, and then he lets out a short laugh. “I didn’t mean for that to get so heavy.”

“I don’t mind.”

“You’re too kind.”

“Or I just like you.” Ethan blanches when Benji jerks his gaze back to him. “Or you’re just easy to like, I mean.”

His expression softens. “I wasn’t--” Benji lets out a nervous laugh. “I wasn’t offended.”

“I didn’t think you were, I just--” Ethan shuts up as his inner chastisement takes over every other thought, but Benji chuckles a second time.

“It’s okay,” he murmurs, and then the conversation dies. In its place is a silence so thick between then that it feels almost suffocating, making Ethan feel like he should say something more, but he’s too tongue-tied to do so. Benji seems to be in a similar state, rocking on the soles of his feet before he returns his gaze to his students. “I’m going to check on them,” he tells Ethan, a twinge of apology in his voice, and then he parts.

For a few moments, Ethan simmers in regret, wishing that maybe he had convinced Benji to stay and talk with him for a bit longer. Then he glances at the clock at the wall, reassures himself that he still has some time left to talk with him, and lets out a sigh. He pushes away his anxious thoughts and focuses on Benji, watching him as he kneels to help one of his students with their paper snowflake.

“Mr. Dunn,” another student says, “do you like my snowflake?”

His face lights up as he looks over at it. “It’s very pretty, Natalie.”

“What about mine?”

“Wow, yours is, too.”

Ethan notices that he’s smiling stupidly, but he can’t help it while watching Benji interact with students and seeing how they all readily respond to him is wonderful. It seems so effortless, like he was made to work with children. His mind returns to their earlier conversation, wondering if Benji would be the same with a child of his own. Or even a step-child.

His face grows warm as his thoughts make a sharp turn into territory he doesn’t want to get into. Not at his age, at least, even if he likes being married and having someone else to raise his daughter with. Maybe if Benji was anybody besides Lacey’s teacher he wouldn’t mind the juvenile daydreaming.

He’s distracted when he notices that Lacey’s approaching him with a smile. “Hi, Daddy,” she says once their gazes meet.

“Hey, sweets.” He moves around the table to give her a hug. “How are you?”

“Great. I love class parties.”

“I know you do.” He ruffles her hair. “Are you supposed to be over here?”

“Mrs. Turner said I could be over here.” She holds up a paper snowflake. “See? I already made a snowflake.”

“Look at that.”

“We can color them. I think I might do that. I know snowflakes are white, but this is my special snowflake, so it’s colorful.”

“What colors are you going to use?” He glances back at Benjij, who’s now laughing at something a student said. His heart flutters in his chest at the way the skin around Benji’s eyes crinkle as he smiles.

“I think pink and yellow. Can we make more at home?”

Benji gives a student a high-five and then looks up in Ethan’s direction. His expression softens as their eyes meet.

“Daddy, are you listening?”

“Hm?” Ethan turns back towards Lacey. “Oh, well, we can’t make more tonight, remember?”

“I know _ that _ , I mean _ after _I come home from Britt’s house.”

“Sure we can.” He combs his fingers through her hair again and notices that a number of kids are starting to get to their feet. “I gotta do my job for a bit, okay?”

“What’s that?”

“My job? Watching all these snacks.”

Lacey steps back and sweeps her eyes over the layout. “Connor said his mom brought donuts, but I don’t see them.”

“I think that might be for another activity, but you didn’t hear it from me.”

She smiles, and then turns back to her classmates as one energetically grabs her arm and pulls her back towards the desks. That’s Ethan’s cue to grab the plates and hand them out to each student before he circles back and does the same with the mini powdered donuts that Lacey had mentioned. When he returns to the table in the corner of the room, the other parents are nearly finished handing out more snack items. Then Angela gives instructions to build a snowman with what’s on their plate.

“Get ready for the sugar rush,” comes Benji’s voice.

Ethan’s heart skips a beat as he turns to look at him. He’s standing with his hands in pocket next to him, his eye still on his class. “Good thing it’s a half-day, then.”

“Not for parents,” Benji laughs. “I know I just mentioned how I wish I had kids of my own, but there are some upsides with only watching kids some of the time.”

“Leave us parents to do all the hard stuff.”

“It’s not easy loading kids up with sugar, either,” he teases.

“I can’t complain too much, I guess. Lacey’s not even going home with me after this.”

“Oh? Where’s she going?”

“Sleepover with a friend.”

“Ah, it’s that time of the year, isn’t it?”

“Between that and this class party, I could hardly get her in bed last night because she was so excited.”

“Well, you can catch up on any lost sleep tonight.” He pauses. “Unless you have a date or work or--”

“Just some housework,” Ethan interrupts. “I haven’t gone out since Lacey was born.”

“Kids,” Benji muses. “Although I think it’s nice to go out with someone your own age from time to time.”

“Well, I have my buddy Luther--”

“Oh.”

“--but that’s not really the same as a date.”

“I call those ‘outings.’” He pauses. “I hope I didn’t sound intrusive.”

“You didn’t.”

“I didn’t want to sound like I was making assumptions,” he continues. “I’m in the same boat, really. I’ve only gone out with Ilsa since I’ve been single.” A second pause. “And then there was that lunch with you.”

Ethan licks his lips. “Do you also call that an outing, or--”

Benji clears his throat, fiddles with his tie, and says, “Hang on, something’s happening over there.”

As he parts to go check on two boys, a few students make their way to the table next to Ethan and grab the small paper plates sitting out. Ethan keeps quiet watch as more kids approach to take various snacks and then return to their seats. Every now and then he peeks up at Benji just to see where he’s at, watching him as he teases some students and checks in on others to make sure they’re alright. Part of Ethan wishes that Benji would return, just so their conversation doesn’t have to end on such an awkward note, but seeing him laugh and encourage his students is unbelievably charming, just through the way he smiles, how he gives his complete attention to whoever is telling him something, the gentleness of his touch as he pats students’ shoulders reassuringly --

God, he has it bad for Benji.

* * *

It’s only moments after the final bell of the day chimes that the hallways become a sea of excited children pushing towards the exit. Ethan does his best to prevent Lacey from racing out with the rest of them, a challenge that turns out to be much easier than expected, as she very happily asks him to walk her and Britt out to Britt’s mom’s car. And he does his best to appease their excited jabbering about things he has no idea about and to remind himself that it’s only a matter of time before Lacey is too embarrassed to be seen with him in public beforing hugging her goodbye and returning to Benji’s room. When he arrives, he sees Angela still inside, busy packing things up, along with Benji and another woman who’s young, beautiful, and completely unfamiliar to Ethan. The two of them are in conversation, only for it to come to a sudden halt as Benji notices him. “Ethan,” he starts, taking a step back. “What can I do for you?”

“I’m back to help you clean up.”

“Oh.” He pauses. “Um, well, I don’t know if--”

“He has plenty to clean up around here,” the woman interrupts. She pushes her long, dark braid over her shoulder and looks at Ethan with piercing eyes. “He’s going to tell you he doesn’t need help when he’s just been complaining about how much he has to do before he leaves.”

Ethan blinks, and then says, “You must be Ms. Faust.”

“Ah, so you’ve heard of me.” She smiles and glances at Benji.

“My daughter’s mentioned you.”

“And so has Benji, I’m sure.”

“Only because I brought you up first, I think. Like I said, my daughter.”

“But he has been talking about me.” She sends another smirk at Benji before asking, “Who’s your daughter?”

“That girl that asked you a question you stopped by my class that one day,” Benji murmurs.

That makes Ilsa laugh. “Oh, her.”

“I hope this isn’t a story that’s going to make me feel like I should apologize,” Ethan sighs.

“Oh, no, not at all. Just a funny question about where I’m from. It was cute, really.” She turns her attention back to Benji. “I should get going. Call me whenever you have it figured out.”

“Wait, Ilsa--”

“You’ve got things to do.” Again, she looks at Ethan. Her eyes are piercing, like she’s about to interrogate him, but all she says is, “I won’t keep you occupied.”

“Ilsa--”

“Bye.” She waves her hand and starts for the door.

There’s an unnerving sense of confusion lingering in Ethan’s stomach as she leaves, and the half flustered, half embarrassed look on Benji’s face only worsens it. But he bites back any questions he has and instead asks, “What do you need me to do?”

Benji blinks. “Hm?”

“What do you need me to help with around--”

“Oh.” He relaxes a bit. “Well, Angela’s handled the party stuff. I just need to do some housekeeping.”

“Show me what to do.”

Benji glances around the room for a moment before answering, “Do you mind wiping down the desks?”

“Not at all.”

“This way, then.” He leads him to the counters and opens a cabinet to pull out antibacterial wipes. “Nothing fancy or hard,” he says as he hands them off to Ethan. “Just wipe down all the desktops to make sure the kids left nothing obnoxious behind for the janitors to clean up.”

Ethan turns to the desk nearest to him without saying anything more and begins cleaning them off. From the corner of his eye, he watches as Benji makes his way to the board and erases everything on it.

“Is it alright if I head out?” Angela asks suddenly. “I have to get dinner started.”

“Please, go ahead,” Benji answers. “Thank you again for everything.”

Ethan holds his breath as she gathers her things together, wondering if Benji’s just as aware as he is that they’re the only two people left in the room. That fact only feels heavier now that the school that was previously full of youthful excitement is nearly empty. But he doesn’t mention it, and neither does Benji, and they both continue with their tasks quietly until Benji sighs, “Oh, bollocks.”

“Everything okay?” Ethan asks.

“Just something stupid I should have done a while ago. It’s fine, just obnoxious.”

He lifts his head to see Benji at his desk with a mess of papers in front of him and a folder in his hands. “Anything I can help with?”

“It’s more of a personal organization problem. I can’t remember where I put anything. I’ll be fine, though. This isn’t too important.”

“What’s important enough to be in a folder but not important enough for you to remember where you put it?”

“You’d be surprised.” He stacks the papers neatly. “My teachers used to rag on me for being disorganized, telling me I’d never make it…” He lifts his head and smiles at Ethan. “And now I am a teacher.”

“Do they know that?”

“Severely doubt it, as I haven’t bothered to go look up my old teachers when I visit my family at home.”

Ethan pauses. “How long have you been teaching?”

“16 years.”

“So your oldest students… they could also already be teachers themselves, right?”

“Don’t remind me. It makes me feel horrifically old.”

Ethan throws away the wipe after rubbing down the last desktop and approaches Benji. “Have you run into any of them?”

“Actually, I have seen a few here and there, but that’s usually before they graduate high school. I ran into one student at the store a few years ago. She was married and had a child of her own. It made me ill.”

Ethan smiles and crosses his arms as he leans against his desk. “How old was she?”

“She couldn’t have been more than 22, which was maybe the worst part of all. Perhaps it’s just because I’m gay and never put too much hope into getting married and starting a family, but I could never imagine being that young and already doing that.”

“Me either,” Ethan responds. “It was difficult enough becoming a dad at 38 and I already had a place to live and a steady job.”

“I just wonder how they’ll feel about making such big life decisions so young.” He sighs. “But that’s none of my business. It’s not like I can make them stop or undo their decisions, anyway.”

“I think there’s always things you regret no matter the situation, but at the end of the day, you look at your daughter and you think…” Ethan smiles bashfully.

“Stop it, you’re going to make me sigh about what could have been had I been straight instead.”

“I don’t know, you could always have a kid.”

“Good luck finding an adoption agency, right?”

“I was thinking something like step-children.”

Their gazes meet. “I would have to find someone with a child first.”

“You might be in the right profession for that.”

“You think so?”

Ethan’s half-surprised that Benji hasn’t already broken their gaze yet in that adorable, embarrassed way he does. The intensity of Benji’s look against his stirs butterflies in the pit of his stomach, just from the uncertainty of what he should say, what he should do, what this all means, but he pushes on anyway.

“I can’t be the only single dad around here,” Ethan says.

“Ah, but aren’t all the other ones straight?”

Dammit, he is flirting, isn’t he? “Guess you’ll just have to find out.”

Benji holds his gaze for a moment longer before breaking away and saying, “Right, I have to take some of these posters and things off my wall.”

Ethan shoves down the frustration bubbling in him. “How can I help?”

“If you could actually gather some of these wintery decorations from around the room and set them on the counter, that would be great.”

“All of them?”

“I don’t need them really when school starts up again. That’s why I put up the January decorations.”

Ethan nods and starts off on collecting the items in question. There aren’t too many of them, making it a quick ordeal, and he soon returns to the counter.

“Thank you,” Benji says as he finishes wiping marker away from a laminated sign on the wall. “If you want to pull down those posters…”

The two switch spots, Ethan working next to the wall, Benji at the counter. He puts all the items Ethan had gathered into a wide, plastic container and clips the lid on top. “I always forget how annoyingly high these cabinets are until I have to go retrieve something,” he mutters before grabbing a nearby chair and pulling it towards the counter. He takes the container in hand, steps on the chair, and slides it onto the cabinet. “Hold on, what’s this?”

Ethan glances over as Benji tilts towards the left and rummages through another container. Then the chair wobbles, Benji lets out a small, “Oops,” and Ethan drops his poster to rush over to him and grip his hands around his waist. It takes another moment for Benji to regain his balance; then he laughs and says, “Jesus, you have strong hands.”

“Uh,” Ethan responds stupidly. “I work out.”

“I could figure.” 

That should have been enough for Ethan to let him go, and yet he stays there like that, aware of the clock ticking nearby, telling him that he’s spent too long with his hands on his hips and his eyes on his ass. He only finds the effort to move when Benji asks, “You mind letting me down from the chair?”

“Oh.” He loosens his hands, allowing Benji to step down from the chair, but not without his hands slipping up his sides. That draws a tense exhale from Benji, yet he makes no quick movement to yank away from him. And, if Ethan’s being honest, he’s not sure if he wants Benji to stay where he’s at, just so he can hold onto him for a little bit longer, feel the way his chest slowly expands and contracts with each breath, or if he wants him to pull away and end this now, before Ethan can get too dizzy with all these stupid feelings he has.

“Ethan.” Benji’s voice is so quiet that Ethan nearly misses it. When he moves forward, Ethan lets go of him, expecting that to be the end of it. But Benji turns around, eyes swirling with something indescribable.

He swallows and chokes out a weak, “Sorry,” but Benji shakes his head.

“No, it’s not--” He clears his throat, and Ethan realizes how close they are to each other, how they’re both leaning in toward each other without meaning to. Ethan swallows and parts his lips, like he’s about to say something, but nothing comes out, even with Benji’s eyes glued on them. It leaves him feeling like he _ should _say something, anything, but then Benji closes the gap between them even further and his throat clenches. All he can think about is the sound of Benji’s shallow breaths, the smell of his cologne, the sight of how vulnerable he is right now.

“I don’t think there’s much else I need to do,” Benji murmurs suddenly. “I can take care of it by myself, at least.”

“I don’t mind staying.”

“That’s right, you have no hot date tonight.”

“This is as close as I’m getting.”

“Ethan,” Benji says with a disapproving tone, but he nudges his nose against his and licks his lips.

His heart beats sporadically in his chest as Benji’s eyelids fall shut and he sighs against his mouth. Then Benji bridges the space between them, Ethan holding his breath as he waits for their lips to finally touch, but Benji chooses to linger where he’s at. It’s an agonizing sort of bliss being this close to him, absorbing the moment, the intimacy, but desperately wanting Benji to finish what he’s started.

Benji takes in a breath, and says, “I think--”

And Ethan kisses him.

Benji reacts immediately, hands curling around Ethan’s biceps, pressing back against him like they’ve done this before, like this wasn’t entirely unplanned. Benji tilts his head and holds him tightly, kissing him ardently, and this feels right, it feels unlike any kiss Ethan’s had before, purely because it’s Benji kissing him this time.

When Benji lets out a small moan, Ethan’s head spins, body ablaze with a desire he hasn’t experienced in years. He kisses harder, grips his fingers into Benji’s biceps, nearly groaning himself when he hears the squeak that comes from the younger man, wanting to push him against the counters and let him know everything he’s feeling, until, suddenly, Benji pushes him away.

The action catches Ethan off guard. He breaks the kiss as soon as he feels Benji trying to get away from him, panting slightly as he meets Benji’s wide, shocked eyes. A few moments pass before Benji mutters, “I shouldn’t have done that.”

There isn’t an immediate response. Instead, Ethan blinks for a moment before saying, “Benji--”

“Um--”

“I’m--”

“I can -- um.” He combs his fingers through his hair, face pinker than Ethan’s ever seen it. “I’ll see you later.”

That’s not what Ethan was hoping to hear, but all he can respond with is, “Yeah.”

Benji fidgets again. “Have a nice Christmas. Or not. I don’t know what you celebrate, if anything at--”

“Same for you,” Ethan interrupts. “Merry Christmas or whatever.”

“Yeah,” Benji laughs. He scratches his ear and looks away. “Er, bye.”

“Bye,” Ethan responds, because that’s all he can get out before Benji turns around and goes to his desk. He hesitates for a bit, waiting for Benji to add anything more, but the way he keeps his head down as he sorts through his papers is enough of a signal for Ethan to leave. He doesn’t want to, if he’s being honest, just because he hates ending today on a note like this, and because he doesn’t know when he’s going to see Benji again.

Ethan swallows and forces himself to turn around as his mind spins with a dozen different thoughts and feelings. It’s only for Benji’s sake that he quietly leaves the room. Benji doesn’t stop him.


	6. January

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Sorry for my sudden absence -- the end of the semester has hit so I've been pretty busy doing things. Hopefully I'll be able to write more since finals week is next week!

Ethan’s not sure what to think when he gets a call from the school near the end of his workday. He runs through a few possibilities, settling on Lacey being sick or a sudden snowstorm cancelling school early as the likely reasons why, and then picks up the phone. “Hello?”

“Hello, Mr. Hunt.”

His heart sinks when he realizes it’s Mr. Hunley speaking.

“I’m calling to tell you that Lacey is in my office right now…”

That sinking feeling worsens as Mr. Hunley continues. That dreaded phone call he had been waiting for is finally here, making him feel like lead as he hangs up and gathers his things together to leave work a few minutes early. The drive to the school isn’t very long, fortunately, but he can’t suppress the anxiety simmering in his stomach as he waits at every intersection and thinks about Lacey sitting in Mr. Hunley’s office. By the time he arrives, it’s turned into a sense of dread for whatever is about to happen, especially knowing how stubborn Lacey tends to be.

When he enters the building, there’s only a few minutes left of school. The secretary doesn’t waste time with cheerful introductions, instead gesturing at the clipboard. Ethan signs in and follows her back to Mr. Hunley’s office. Inside, Lacey sits with her arms crossed, head bowed, and lip pouted.

“Please take a seat,” Mr. Hunley tells Ethan. “I don’t intend to keep you here longer than you need to be, but I would at least like to briefly discuss what happened.”

“Yes, please,” Ethan answers as he sits next to Lacey. “Is everything alright?”

“Lacey’s currently in my office because she was involved in a fight this afternoon.”

His eyes widen. “A fight?”

“A teacher on recess duty today reported that Lacey pushed a classmate to the ground and hit her repeatedly.”

“Lacey?” Ethan glances over at his daughter.

“She was asking for it,” she mumbles.

“Who was?”

She doesn’t answer.

“You’re not talking about Hailey, are you?”

“Ah, so you know the student,” Mr. Hunley says.

Even though the answer is expected, it makes his heart stop, anyway. “It was  _ Hailey? _ ”

“She was asking for it,” Lacey repeats, this time more assertively.

“But--” He stops, head swimming with possibilities for such a violent reaction from her. “Oh, my god,” he sighs as he closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Is Hailey alright, at least?”

“She went to the nurse with a bloody nose and some bruises, but she seems alright otherwise,” Mr. Hunley answers.”

Ethan peeks over at Lacey. “You gave her a bloody nose?”

She only shrugs in response.

“I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that violence is unacceptable behavior, of course,” Mr. Hunley continues.

“Yeah, sure.” Ethan frowns. “I’m sorry, really. I never thought she’d ever start a fight. I feel--”

“It’s not you that needs to apologize.” Mr. Hunley eyes Lacey again. “The first part of Lacey’s punishment is an in-school suspension tomorrow. When school starts again next week, she’ll be allowed back in class, but only if she apologizes to Hailey. If it happens again--”

“It won’t,” Ethan interrupts. He sends Lacey a stern look, but she avoids meeting his gaze. “I’ll make sure she comes up with an apology.”

“But why doesn’t Hailey get ISS?” Lacey asks suddenly. “Nobody’s talking to her and she started it.”

“Lace, that’s not an excuse.”

“But she--”

“This is about you,” Mr. Hunley tells her. “Hailey’s in the nurse’s office because you hit her.”

“But it’s not fair!” Lacey exclaims, tears welling in her eyes. “Why do I have to apologize but the nurse treats her like a baby? This is her fault.”

“Regardless of who started it, you have to apologize to her. Hitting people is no way to end conflicts.”

“I’m not going to.”

“Lacey,” Mr. Hunley says, voice lowered. “If you don’t listen, I’ll have to give you a more severe punishment.”

“But--”

“Lacey,” Ethan snaps.

She drops her head again, tightening her arms across her chest. “I want to go home,” she mutters.

“No, we’re going to talk about this here.

“Actually,” Mr. Hunley says, “I don’t have much more to say. I’ll let you two go so you can talk about this more in depth. And Lacey, I  _ will  _ be expecting an apology come Monday.”

When she doesn’t answer, Ethan breathes, “Thank you.” He gets to his feet. “And I’m sorry again.”

“It’s nothing you did.” He shifts his gaze back to Lacey. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She only frowns as she stands.

“Lacey,” Ethan warns.

“Bye,” she grumbles.

That response doesn’t totally satisfy Ethan, but pressing further would be pointless. He waits until they’re outside the office before asking, “What were you thinking, Lace?”

She doesn’t give any response, not even a hum. Instead, she speeds ahead of Ethan so he’s looking at her back.

“Lace.”

She marches ahead to the doors of the main office.

“Lacey, I’m talking to you!”

“I have to get my stuff!” she shouts at him before shoving her way through the doors and into the hallway.

Embarrassment burns in Ethan’s cheeks. He can feel the secretary staring at him, waiting for him to do anything to curb his unruly child, but he’s at a loss. Normally he can prevent himself from getting too angry with Lacey, because at this point he’s completely accustomed to her being stubborn and strong-willed, but being violent was totally out of her character. Acting out in front of the principal is even worse. Marching away from him in public is the final straw.

Ethan follows her through the doors and calls, “Lacey Renee!”

He catches her small form racing around the corner of the hallway.

“Lacey!” he shouts as he picks his pace. By the time he rounds the same corner, she’s already sprinted halfway down the next hallway. He nearly yells for her again until he notices the classrooms they’re passing and chooses instead to move at a half-jog to catch up with her. His effort doesn’t prevent her from turning around another corner and disappearing again.

If he wasn’t already frustrated before, he definitely is now. He bites back his tongue and every angry thing running through his mind as he moves a bit faster, just until she’s in his sight again, but when he makes his way around the same corner, he realizes she’s not running anymore. Instead, she’s in the middle of the hallway, arms gripped tightly around a man kneeling in front of her, with her backpack sitting next to them. Then Ethan moves closer, and his heart jumps to his throat when he realizes it’s Benji.

He’s not sure if a few seconds or a few hours pass between the moment Ethan spots him and the moment Benji lifts his head, but when their eyes finally meet his chest aches and his mouth goes dry. Benji doesn’t get up or say anything or do anything at all except to rub small circles into Lacey’s back as her shoulders shake with quiet sobs. But they keep looking at each other, Benji’s eyes heavy with things unsaid, almost like he’s apologetic to even be looking at Ethan in the first place, until, finally, he breaks their gaze and murmurs something to Lacey. She lets go of him, grabs her backpack off the floor, and finally turns to face Ethan. Her face is red and blotchy, still casting her gaze anywhere but at him, but then she takes a few tentative steps towards him and Ethan lets out a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding.

“Ethan,” Benji says, just loud enough for him to notice.

He hesitates for a moment before closing the gap between them. Lacey stays where she’s at. “I don’t know what this must look--”

“I think it’d be best if I talked to you, but not in the hallway when the bell is about to ring.” He nods his head towards the library. “Mind following me?”

Ethan looks over at his daughter. “Lace?”

She quietly complies as Benji starts towards the library. As soon as they make it inside, the bell rings. “Just in time,” Benji murmurs. “Some kids love to go running through the hallway, so I didn’t want to get caught up in that.”

“I noticed that after the winter party last month.”

Benji’s expression flickers. “Right.” There’s a beat before he turns to Lacey. “Do you mind sitting down, dear? I’m going to talk with your father quickly.”

She slumps over to a table without saying anything more.

“Glad you get her to do what you say,” Ethan mutters with a weak grin.

But Benji doesn’t return the smile. Instead, he licks his lips before parting them, hesitating, and then saying, “Lacey told me about her mother today.”

Ethan’s grin fades. “What about her?”

“That she hasn’t seen her since she left a year ago.”

“Oh.” 

“Is that true?”

“It is. But it’s also a bit more complicated than that.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s not like she just walked out without letting us…” He glances at his feet. “Well, I guess for Lacey, that’s true, but I knew a long time that she wanted to leave.”

“Knowing that she wanted to leave isn’t the same as actually knowing she was going to, though.”

“Except I did.” He can’t bear to lift his face and meet Benji’s look. “She told me and I let her.”

There’s a pause before Benji says, “And Lacey didn’t know?”

“No.”

“Does she know now?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t know what to tell her.” He pauses. “Everything was hard enough as it was. She was never happy being married and being a mother. I knew even when she told me she was pregnant that she didn’t want that kind of life, but she married me and had Lacey because that’s what I wanted.” He finally glances up at Benji, wilting under the intensity of his gaze. “She was so unhappy and I thought… I mean, it didn’t seem fair for her to be stuck in this life she’s hated since the moment that test came back positive, and I told her that if she wanted to leave--”

“And Lacey? Was she ever brought up?”

“Of course she was.” It comes out much harsher than Ethan intends, but he doesn’t retract it. “It wasn’t any easier for my ex-wife, you know. We talked through this. She’s in a completely different part of the world now--”

“Ethan--”

“Benji,” he interrupts curtly, “I don’t really want your judgements.” Then he swallows and adds, “Sorry.”

Benji’s jaw tenses, but he doesn’t give an immediate response. Rather, he stares at Ethan for a number of moments, sighing through his nose as he collects his thoughts, and then says, “I don’t mean to pry, but I think you need to talk to Lacey about it.”

“Why? What did she tell you?”

“Before recess today, Lacey and Hailey were arguing, so I talked to Lacey in private. She mentioned that Hailey brings up her mother often.”

Ethan blinks. “She does?”

“You don’t know about this?”

“No. I mean, I know they used to be friends, but Lacey’s always told me that she and Hailey don’t like each other over some argument they had almost a year ago.”

“Did she ever tell you about the argument?”

“No.”

“Hm.” He glances over at Lacey. “I really think that you need to talk to her.”

“I just don’t know what to tell her about my divorce.”

“That’s not what I mean. You need to let  _ her  _ talk. And listen to her, please.” Benji offers him a sympathetic smile. “I don’t want to make it sound like I’m judging you, Ethan. But I care about Lacey and this is concerning me.”

“I understand.”

“I knew you would.” His smile widens, but then fades away as his eyes graze across Ethan’s lips. That one look sends a chill down Ethan’s spine, just because it’s so much like the way Benji looked at him a month ago on that day he’s tried pushing out of memory with little success. “It’s kind of funny, really.”

“What is?”

“I mean, fights aren’t funny, but after all you’ve told me, I couldn’t help but think, like father, like daughter.”

Ethan laughs. “Guilty as charged.”

“Just keep that in mind.”

He wants to respond with something equally as lighthearted, but he gets stuck taking in the features of Benji’s face, how open and warm all of them make him look. And Benji must notice that he’s not going to answer anytime soon, because he murmurs, “That’s all I needed to say, really.”

“Um--” Ethan leans back on his heels and forces himself to look away from him. “Thanks for mentioning it.”

“I thought it might help make--”

“And thanks for bringing her--”

They both stop and giggle nervously.

“One day we’ll stop stepping on each other’s verbal toes, hm?” Benji grins, and this time it’s large and genuine and makes Ethan’s heart pound. God, he hadn’t realized just how much he missed Benji in that month away from him, as ridiculous as it sounds.

“Thank you for caring about her. Really, it means a lot to me.”

“I care about all my students, of course, but Lacey’s really…” His face softens. “If you need me to keep an eye on her…”

“Please. And thank you again.”

“It’s part of the job, isn’t it?”

“You know it’s more than that.”

Benji pauses. “Do I?” he breathes, and Ethan feels like he’s about to go insane. It feels obscene to want him this much, especially when his daughter’s upset and in serious trouble, but the way Benji hovers near him makes it impossible to focus on anything else.

He does his best to push any temptations out of his mind and says, “Bye, Benji.”

“Bye, Ethan.” Benji takes a step back, murmurs his goodbye to Lacey, and then leaves the library.

A few moments after he parts, Ethan turns to Lacey and says, “You ready to go?

She doesn’t answer.

“Hey.” He pulls out the chair next to her and sits down. “I’m not mad, Lace. You can talk to me.”

Still, she stays quiet.

“Mr. Dunn told me you and Hailey were arguing before recess.”

That makes her raise her head, face already poised to defend herself against whatever accusations Ethan might pose, but he’s quick to cut her off.

“He’s not mad at you either. Actually, I want to hear more about what she told you before and during recess.”

She furrows her brow. “You won’t get mad at me?”

“I want to hear what you have to say, sweetheart.”

She pauses, like she’s judging if Ethan’s being honest, and then says, “She was making fun of me.”

“About what?”

“About Mama.” Her voice wobbles.

“What was she saying?”

“She told me that--” Lacey stops and tenses her jaw.

“What did she say, baby?”

She sniffles and looks away from Ethan. “We had to do this thing for social studies and we were at the same table and I wanted to color our map with teal and pink and other fun colors like that but she didn’t. She wanted it to look like a  _ real  _ map. I thought it was boring, ’cuz we’re allowed to do whatever we want with our map, and she said, ‘This is why nobody likes you.’”

“Lace,” Ethan sighs as he strokes his fingers through her hair.

“Mr. Dunn asked me what happened and I told him what happened but he wanted to know more about before, ’cuz he knows we knew each other before his class.”

“He wanted to know more about when you and Hailey last year?”

She nods.

“What did you tell him?”

“I told him she used to be my friend and then she got mad at me for no reason.”

“There must have been something.”

“But it’s stupid,” she huffs as she crosses her arms.

“I still would like to know what it is.”

She falters, this time with a sheepish look that tells Ethan she might be at blame for it. “Well,” she starts slowly, “we were playing a game at recess and she wouldn’t let me be the character I wanted and I was mad at her and we got into a fight. So when my birthday came I gave invitations to some people. I was  _ going  _ to give her one, but I was waiting to do it, ’cuz she was still mad at me and I didn’t know if she wanted it or not. Then somebody told me that she told Kristie not to go to my birthday party because I’m mean and I don’t have a mommy anymore.” Her voice drops low at the end, like she’s too embarrassed to let Ethan hear those same words.

Ethan frowns. “She said that?”

“She always says that.”

“Is that what she said today?”

She ducks her eyes away from him.

“Did you tell Mr. Dunn about what she said today?”

“Well, I had to. He asked.”

“Alright,” Ethan murmurs. “So you told Mr. Dunn and then…?”

“And then we went to recess and Hailey was still mad at me. She thought I told on her or something to Mr. Dunn which is stupid because she didn’t even get yelled at or anything afterwards.”

“I know you’re mad, Lace, but I don’t like you using stupid in reference to Hailey.”

“But it was stupid,” she retorts as she lifts her head again. “I was minding my own business with Britt on the playground and she comes over to call me a crybaby for talking to Mr. Dunn. And then I told her to stop being a diva because Mr. Dunn asked to speak with me, and I didn’t tattle or anything because he already knew what happened and he  _ asked  _ to know more, and then she…” A deep frown forms on her face. “I don’t remember everything she said.”

“Just tell me what you remember.”

“She yelled at me.”

“Did you yell at her?”

“She was yelling at me first! And I didn’t say anything mean, I just told her to leave me alone. But then she said that Mama left because she hated me.”

The air leaves Ethan’s lungs as he watches the tears well up in Lacey’s eyes. She doesn’t even attempt to hide her face this time, letting him take in just how upset she is, and his heart aches.

“Oh, Lace,” he breathes.

“So I hit her.” She rubs the heel of her hand against her eye. “I know I’m not supposed to hit people but she--” Her voice wavers a second time. “Does Mama hate me?”

“Of course she doesn’t.”

“Then why did she leave?” Tears slip down her cheeks. “Why didn’t she come back?”

He’s at a loss for words. Of course he wants to tell her, because he hates seeing her upset, because he respects her too much to keep her in the dark, but he doesn’t know if he can explain it. Especially when not everything has settled yet.

“I know you hate this answer,” he begins quietly, “but I just don’t think you can understand it right now.”

“Why not? She hates me, doesn’t she?”

“Absolutely not,” he says firmly. “What happened with your mother is between her and me only. It had nothing to do with you. Don’t you ever think that.” He swipes his thumb across face and catches her tears. “She doesn’t hate you.”

“But she never comes back to see me.”

“It’s hard, I know, but you didn’t do anything wrong, baby. And I love you very much, okay?”

She sniffs again. “Are you mad at me?”

That brings a small smile to his face. “Well, I don’t want you hitting people anymore, and I want you to apologize to Hailey for hitting her, but just between you and me…” He leans in and strokes back her hair. “I’m not mad. Just don’t do it again, or I might actually be mad.”

Lacey nods her head. “Okay, Daddy.”

Ethan gives her a peck on the cheek. “Why don’t we go home and I’ll make dinner? Whatever you want.”

“Whatever I want?”

“Mm-hm.”

She pauses and rolls her eyes up in thought. “Macaroni and cheese?”

“I think we can do that.” He kisses her other cheek and gets to his feet. “Let’s go.”

“Okay.” Lacey puts her bag over her shoulder. “Do you need help finding the exit again?”

“What?” Ethan asks in mock shock. “You think I haven’t figured out your school yet?”

She shakes her head.

“No? Lace, I’m hurt.”

She giggles, but doesn’t say anything else. Instead, she grabs his hand. That’s all Ethan needs to know everything’s alright.


	7. February

To: Benjamin Dunn  
From: Ethan Hunt

Subject: Parent-Teacher Conference

Hey, Benji,

I really wanted to thank you for all you’ve done for Lacey, especially after the fiasco recently. Since parent-teacher conferences are coming up, I wanted to suggest something a bit non-traditional and invite you to my house for dinner. There’s no obligations or strings attached. I just want to express my gratitude to you and talk about Lacey in a more informal environment. Let me know if this sounds reasonable. Lacey and I would love to see you.

Thanks,  
Ethan

* * *

Nervous isn’t a word Ethan would generally use to describe himself, and yet that’s exactly what he’s feeling as he removes his final dishes from the stove and transports them to the table. It’s been so long since he had last cooked for anyone outside of Lacey and himself, and now that it’s Benji coming over, he’s suddenly doubting how good his cooking ability really is despite approval from various people over the years.

He’s so caught up in his worries about how Benji might respond that he misses his knock at the front door. It’s only when Lacey shouts, “I’ll get it!” that he realizes his time to prepare is up.

“Wait, Lace!” he calls as he quickly lays out three plates.

Her footsteps come to an abrupt halt. “What, Daddy?”

“Come here.”

“Why?”

“Let me make sure you look fine.”

There’s a heavy sigh before she appears in the archway connecting the hallway to the dining room. “I look fine,” she grumbles.

“Because you brushed your hair for once,” Ethan tells her before turning back to the table. “Thank you.”

Lacey spins around her heels quickly enough that Ethan’s unsure if she rolled her eyes or not and then bounces to the front door. A second later, the lock clicks, and she lets out a warm, “Hello, Mr. Dunn!”

“Hello, Lacey. How are you?”

Ethan can’t repress a smile when he hears Benji’s voice. It hadn’t been but two weeks since he last saw him, and yet it feels like so long that his heart skips just knowing that he’s only a number of feet away from him. He hurries to finish placing everything on the table while he listens to Lacey say, “Pretty good. Are you cold?”

“I’m alright.”

“Just checking. I would have let you in sooner, but Daddy wanted to look to see if I brushed my hair.”

Ethan groans to himself, wondering if she’d continue with her usual tirade against personal hygiene, but Benji’s gentle laughter cuts her off. “I think your hair looks very nice. Where is your father?”

She starts to reply when Ethan passes through the archway, rounds the corner, and says, “Right here.”

Benji turns to face him, eyes filled with that bright warmth that’s always there, the same warmth that makes Ethan feel like he’s been hit in the chest despite the fact he should already be accustomed to it. “Hi, Ethan,” Benji says after a short pause with a small smile that makes Ethan dizzy.

“Hey,” he returns softly. “Do you want me to take your coat?”

The smile disappears. “Oh, yes. Thank you.” He glides his fingers across his buttons until he can slide it off his shoulders. Ethan reaches out to grab it before Benji’s taken it completely off and sends him an apologetic grin before opening up the closet to his right.

“How was your day?” Ethan asks politely as he grabs a hanger.

“Oh, it’s been alright. Just a little hectic.”

“Why’s that?”

“The class party today, that’s all.”

“Class--” He stops. “Oh, my god, it’s Valentine’s Day, isn’t it?”

“I _ told _you that, Daddy,” Lacey says. “I tried to show you all my cards I got earlier, remember?”

He does remember, now that she mentions it, but he had been so lost in thought getting ready for Benji that it hadn’t even processed.

“I hope I didn’t ruin any other plans,” Ethan starts, but Benji cuts him off before he can say anything more.

“If I had other plans for tonight, I wouldn’t have agreed to come. This is the best time for me, really. I’ll be busy with conferences for the next three days.”

Ethan is about to respond when he feels Lacey tugging on his shirt. “Daddy, can I go eat now?”

“Hold on, let us all go sit down.” He glances back towards Benji. “The dining room is right in here.”

Benji follows him while Lacey races ahead and claims her seat. He takes the chair across from her, leaving Ethan the spot at the head of the table. Lacey doesn’t hesitate to start spooning out food onto her plate, prompting Ethan to say, “Help yourself whenever Lacey’s finished.”

“Sorry,” she says sheepishly. “It’s just so good.”

“I’m even more excited to try it now,” Benji says.

“Oh, it’s nothing special,” Ethan interjects.

Lacey lifts her head, sends Ethan a quizzical glance, and says, “It’s the best, Daddy.”

“So you’ve said in class,” Benji muses.

“She’s mentioned it in class?”.

“In a few writing assignments. She speaks very highly of you.”

“Don’t let her raise your expectations too much.”

Lacey rolls her eyes. “Sorry, Mr. Dunn, he’s been pretty uptight today.”

That draws a laugh from Benji as Ethan’s eyes widen. “Where’d you hear that word from?”

“He came home and started making dinner immediately,” she continues. “He didn’t even watch the news tonight.”

“Aw,” Benji chuckles, and Ethan flushes.

“How about we let Benji eat now?” he suggests quickly. “The sooner we start dinner, the sooner we can talk about your progress in school.”

“I’m not in any rush,” Benji says as he starts on his own plate. “It’s a bit flattering that you were that worried about dinner.”

“Well, it’s a bit different than just making dinner for Lace and myself,” he starts, but it does nothing to quell the butterflies in his stomach as Benji grins at him. The intention of this dinner was sincerely academic, but the realization that it’s Valentine’s Day adds a certain implication to everything the two of them say that makes him even more nervous than he was to begin with.

“It’s good,” Lacey says suddenly with a large bite in her mouth.

“Can you swallow first, at least?”

She hums in response, then turns her attention to Benji. “Did Daddy just call you Benji?”

“That’s my first name,” he answers.

She purses her lips for a moment. Then she says, “Were you on the phone with him or something?”

Ethan furrows his brow. “What are you talking about?”

“A few nights ago. You were calling him, weren’t you?”

“I haven’t spoken to him on the phone.”

She frowns. “Yes, you have.”

“Why do you think that?”

“Well, I got out of bed last week or something to get a drink while you were in the bathroom with the shower on, but when I approached the door I heard you say his n--”

“You must have heard wrong,” Ethan interjects, but he’s not quick enough to stop Benji from choking on his water.

“No, I’m pretty sure you did, ’cuz I was all confused about who you were talking to.”

Immediately his cheeks grow warm with a humiliation he hadn’t quite felt around Benji before, desperately searching for anything to distract from the fact that his daughter just confirmed that he masturbates to the thought of her teacher in the shower, but nothing springs to mind. His legs feel like lead weights as he stares at Lacey, scolding himself for even having the idea to invite Benji over in the first place, when Benji suddenly says, “Lacey was right, this is very good.”

Ethan musters up all the strength in his body to glance over at Benji. He’s taking another bite, too shy to meet his look but nodding to confirm his enjoyment. “Very good,” he continues when he swallows.

“Um.” He struggles to find the words he wants to say, partly because he’s so mortified, partly because Benji looks so cute when he’s eating. “Thank you.”

“All that extra time in the kitchen paid off.”

Ethan could kiss him right there, just from how grateful he is that Benji’s trying to push the conversation forward. And fortunately for them, Lacey looks uninterested in saying anything else, more preoccupied with moving food around on her plate than worrying about the awkward situation she created.

“Do you like cooking, then?” Benji asks suddenly.

Ethan pulls out of his thoughts and turns his attention to him. “Yeah, I guess I do.”

“You guess?”

“Learning how to cook is a bit of a necessity. I think saying I like to cook carries an implication that I’m also good at it.”

“This conversation again?” Benji says with a grin.

“I have to make food for myself and my daughter every night. Maybe I’m passable, but--”

“Most people have to feed others every night, but this is much better than what they make.”

“Are you trying to argue with me at my own dinner table?”

“Just say you’re good at cooking, Daddy,” Lacey interjects.

“Don’t encourage him,” Ethan returns.

She looks at Benji and says, “He’s good at cooking.”

“At least your daughter is straight-forward.”

“Don’t encourage her!”

Benji chooses to wink at Lacey rather than say anything else, but it’s enough to make Ethan feel like he’s going a bit crazy, just because Benji’s so effortlessly endearing. All at once, he’s reminded why it’s been so difficult for him to move on from that kiss in December even through stupid attempts like this to forget about it. God, why can’t he just be normal around him?

“Well,” Benji starts suddenly, capturing Ethan’s attention again. “Not to change the topic so abruptly, but would you mind if we talked a bit about Lacey’s academic performance here? We won’t have to go into any conversation so in-depth that eating during it feels inappropriate.”

Ethan glances over at Lacey. “That okay with you, Lace?”

“I don’t care,” she answers as she shoves another spoonful into her mouth.

“Great,” Benji continues. “As far as the typical kind of academics go, there’s nothing new to report…”

* * *

It doesn’t take very long after Lacey finishes eating for her to become bored. Ethan notices when she starts squirming in her seat and tapping her spoon against the plate in an erratic rhythm. She only gets a few taps in before Ethan says, “Lace, please don’t do that.”

She pouts and sets her spoon next to her plate. “I’m bored.”

“This is important.”

“Actually,” Benji cuts in, “it’s okay if Lacey wants to leave.”

Ethan glances over at him. “Are you sure?”

“I’ve wanted to talk to you privately, actually.”

That could be any number of things, most of which were professional at best, but Ethan’s heart skips anyway. “Okay, Lace, you’re free to go.”

“Thank you!” She jumps to her feet and rushes towards the hallway.

“Hey,” Ethan calls sternly, “plate in the kitchen sink, please.”

Lacey stops, hums irritably, and then returns to grab her plate.

“Thank you.”

Another hum. Benji grins behind folded hands as she takes it to the kitchen before finally leaving. Then he says, “She’s funny.”

“If that’s your way of saying she’s--”

“I mean she’s funny,” he interrupts. “All kids are funny in their own way, but she does things in class sometimes that makes it difficult for me to keep a straight face.”

“What do you mean?”

“Remarks she makes.”

“You mean her bluntness?”

“I understand why it might have gotten her into trouble in the past, but she’s definitely honest.”

The way that Benji’s eyes twinkle as he talks about her draws a soft smile from Ethan. “Thank you,” he says after a short pause.

Benji tilts his head. “Is it time for the ‘thank you’ portion of your email, now?”

“I really mean it,” he says. “Hearing you talk so kindly of Lacey means the world to me, especially after everything that happened last month.”

“Last month is what I wanted to talk to you about in private, actually. And part of the reason why I agreed to coming to dinner.”

“Why’s that?”

Benji pauses for a moment before answering, “I wanted to see if you’d be comfortable telling me more about your divorce.”

Ethan’s shoulders sink. “Oh.”

“I don’t want you to feel pressured to say anything more than you’d like,” he continues quickly, “but I thought it would help me better understand what I can do for Lacey.”

As quickly as he deflated, Ethan puffs up. Benji’s only said a dozen times by now that this is only a part of his job, but god, it’s so hard not to see him as completely wonderful when Ethan’s felt so helpless with Lacey, especially within the past year. “What exactly do you mean by that?”

“I mean…” He pauses and rolls his eyes up in thought. “You mentioned once that your ex-wife helped Lacey with her homework, for instance. That had a direct impact on how Lacey does her homework now.”

“So you want to know how we’re adjusting.”

“And know a bit more about what happened before your divorce. If you’re okay with it, that is.”

“I can talk about it,” Ethan sighs, “it’s just that I don’t want to make it seem like it was worse than it was.”

“I’m just asking questions for her sake.” Benji sends him a small smile. “Lacey is pretty upset about Hailey mentioning her mother. Was she close to her?”

He hesitates. “It’s complicated.”

“I’m not here to judge.”

“There’s a lot that happened before Lacey was born that makes everything a bit more complicated than just…” He sighs. “It’s not a case of she walked out on me.”

“That’s what you said.”

There’s a beat before Ethan continues with, “I was a lot more free-spirited when I was younger, so I never really planned on settling down. I wasn’t a playboy type or anything, but I never really thought marriage was for me.”

“And then you grew up, right?”

“So you’ve heard this before,” Ethan says with a sad grin.

“I’ve certainly heard stories similar to it, but I’m sure yours is different somehow.”

“Maybe not too different. I turned 30, continued casually dating and hooking up with people here and there, but then every now and then I’d go home and think about how nice it might be if I had someone else with me more regularly. Then I watched my co-workers settle down and have families and I thought…” He hesitates. “But at that point I was already halfway through my thirties and I thought it was pointless. I hadn’t had a serious relationship in a long time, I wasn’t really interested in going out of my way to look for one. It seemed unreasonable. And then I met Nyah.”

“Is that Lacey’s mom?”

Ethan gives a small shake of his head. “Our relationship started casual, got a bit more serious, but not serious enough that we ever talked about actually getting married. I did eventually tell her about how I thought about what being married and having kids would be like, but it never turned into a conversation about what would happen if we got married.”

“How did she feel about that?”

“She was sympathetic, I guess.” He snorts. “She’s so smart and ambitious that it was never in the cards for her because she just had too many things to do. Our relationship worked because we were serious but not enough where I’d be too bothered if she was gone for a while.”

“And then Lacey?”

Ethan dips his head. “She told me she was pregnant and didn’t suggest anything right away. I think she wanted to see my reaction first, especially since she knew I had thought about kids for long enough. She didn’t even argue with me about it, really. Sure, she had her reservations, but we talked about it and she agreed to go through with the pregnancy. And then she agreed to get married since we were having a baby, anyway.” He stops to take a slow breath. “She wasn’t a bad mother. It’s not like she hates Lacey. But over the years she became more and more restless because she had all these things she felt she was missing out on. I hated seeing how unhappy she was, so I suggested a divorce.” He lifts his head just in time to catch the way Benji’s eyes widen.

“So the divorce was your idea?”

He nods. “She had already put her life on hold for me and it wasn’t making her any happier.”

“But Lacey--”

“We talked about it for a long time,” he interrupts. “Like I said, she loves our daughter. There’s no part of her that doesn’t love Lacey. So I told her over and over that if she just needed to go, I would let her go.”

Benji frowns. “Have you talked to Lacey about this at all since we’ve last talked?”

“I don’t know what to tell her.”

“Maybe she doesn’t need to know every fact and detail, but if you can reassure her that her mother still--”

“I’ve tried already. After that fight, I mean.”

“How did she react after that?”

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean?”

“The conversation stopped there.”

Benji blinks. “You haven’t talked to her about it since then?”

“What more can I tell her? I’m still sorting through everything myself.”

“I understand that, Ethan, but Lacey doesn’t deserve to be completely in the dark about this. I’m willing to believe that this whole divorce plays a role in her general behavioral problems past that one playground fight. If you’re having a hard time adapting, it’s just as hard for her, most likely. And if she’s already prone to distractions, that’s just going to be a rather large one. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah,” he says quiet. “It makes sense.”

Benji pauses. “Have you ever considered therapy?”

He shakes his head. “I guess I didn’t think Lacey was  _ that  _ bad.”

“Therapy isn’t just for people with obvious problems. It might be beneficial to Lacey in the long run.” Again, he stops, and resumes with, “I don’t want to make you feel like you’re parenting her wrong, but I just thought--”

“No, I understand. Really.” Ethan smiles weakly. “It means a lot to me that you care about Lacey. She needs it.”

“How are you?”

That question catches him off guard. “What?”

“Has anyone asked you how you’re doing?”

“Oh, I talk to Luther here and there.”

“But does anyone ask you how you’re doing from time to time? Outside of the small talk sense of the question.”

“I don’t really go to work looking for a serious emotional talk.”

“Sometimes you need it.” Then he stops, exhales through his nose, and leans back in his chair. “This got more emotionally intense than I was initially planning. I’m sorry.”

“No, you’re right. I just never think about talking about it with anyone.”

“Maybe therapy would be good for you, too.”

“Maybe it would be.”

Benji licks his lips and breaks their gaze. “Normally I don’t talk like this with parents, but at this point, I suppose I assume you won’t be running around telling everyone what we talk about.”

“I haven’t mentioned to anyone that we’ve kissed, have I?”

It slips out of Ethan’s lips before he has time to talk himself out of it. Benji’s eyes are immediately on his again, wide with shock, and yet there’s a certain expression he wears that seems like he had been expecting this topic to come up sooner or later. It takes him much longer to respond, even more careful to weigh his words now than ever before, eventually settling on, “We’ve gone long enough without addressing it, haven’t we?”

“There hasn’t really been a good time to bring it up.”

“So there hasn’t.” He sighs and places his silverware on his plate. “How can I help clean dinner up?”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“It’s the least I can do to thank you for dinner.”

“This was supposed to be my way of thanking you.”

“Maybe I should be more straight-forward and say that talking while we’re cleaning up sounds better than talking in front of my empty plate.”

“Well, when you put it like that…”

Benji smirks and nods his head. “Give me your plate.”

The two of them get to their feet and start collecting everything from the table to carry into the kitchen. It’s quiet for a few moments as they set everything down on the counter and Ethan turns on the sink. “Mind rinsing off the plates so I can pop them in the dishwasher? I’ll put away leftovers.”

“Not a problem.”

The two begin to switch positions. “And that just leaves--”

He’s interrupted when Benji suddenly bumps into him. Their eyes meet immediately, but neither hurries to apologize. Instead, Benji gives a small smile and says, “The conversation that I probably owe you.”

“It’s not like we’ve had many opportunities to talk,” Ethan murmurs, and Benji’s smile wavers.

“Excuse me.” He pushes gently on Ethan’s shoulders and shimmies past him to stand at the sink before continuing with, “It’s not that I haven’t wanted to talk about it, but I get stuck on if it’s a conversation to inappropriate for me to have as a teacher, or if that’s exactly the reason I  _ should  _ say something…”

“I’m not going to tell anyone either way.”

“It’s more for my conscience than anything else.”

“And what’s your conscience telling you?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, what do  _ you  _ want to do?”

“It would probably be better if we talked about it.”

“Probably?”

“There’s no way of telling where this conversation is going to go, is there?” He meets Ethan’s gaze suddenly and ruins any chance of a quick response.

“Then we keep it civil.” He forces himself to turn back to the leftovers on the counter, anything to distract himself from the way Benji’s eyes melt him.

“Civil,” he echoes. Then he takes a breath. “Okay, then, I’ll just say it. I don’t think I should have kissed you.”

“Because of your job?”

“Yes. Well, part of it.”

“And the other part is--”

“Irrelevant. If Mr. Hunley knew that I kissed the parent of a student…” He trails off and raises his head to look out the kitchen window. “It seems silly to think that sexual favors from a parent can be exchanged for better treatment of a student, but that’s what it ends up looking like.”

“That makes it sound like a transaction, though.”

Benji glances at him inquisitively. “Because that would be.”

“I wouldn’t call a romantic relationship a transaction.”

“Maybe not in the traditional sense, but there’s still an aspect of favoritism…” Benji stops suddenly, lips parted but nothing coming from them. The sight of him standing there, so uncertain of himself, processing what Ethan is implying makes Ethan’s heart pound in his chest, waiting for anything in response. When it finally comes, Benji jerks his head back towards the sink and says, “Romantic or sexual interactions of any kind is a bad idea. Not when I’m Lacey’s teacher.”

“What about after, then?”

“Ethan--” He cuts himself off with a sigh, eyes falling shut as he tilts his neck back. “I don’t want to say anything that’s going to put thoughts in your head, whether they’re good or bad.”

“How do you classify what a good thought is and isn’t?”

“I mean, something you want to hear or believe, and something you don’t.” Benji sets a couple of plates on the counter. “Dishwasher.”

Ethan silently takes them, throat drawn too tight to speak. This is completely ridiculous, standing in his kitchen with baited breath as he waits for his daughter’s teacher to confirm his reciprocated crush like he’s a stupid teenager, and yet he can’t stop himself from feeling this way, not after how long he’s spent stewing on that kiss, thinking about it over and over, in the car, in his bed, in the shower. “That seems vague,” he finally chokes out.

“Because I came over here to talk about your daughter, and not whatever feelings you may have about me, personally.”

“You said you owe me this conversation.”

“Let me put it this way, then. I have feelings, too, but in my position I shouldn’t be vocalizing them, leaving me no option but to let you down as politely as possible regardless.” Benji turns off the sink and sets the last few dishes next to him. “That makes sense, doesn’t it?”

Ethan presses his lips into a thin line for a moment; then he says, “ _ You  _ kissed  _ me _ .”

“So?”

“So you’re not just letting me down nicely. This is about you, too.”

“Like you couldn’t have figured that out already?” Benji says softly. Then he shakes his head and turns away to grab a towel.

“Can’t you just talk to me? What’s said in here, stays in here.”

“I can’t do that.”

“I know there’s no point in me asking why not, but--”

“It’s just not a good idea, okay?” He puts the towel back and leans against the counter. “There’s all kinds of factors at play here, Ethan. It’s not as easy as me walking in here and saying that I have a silly crush on you--”

“So you do, then.”

“Yes, of course I bloody do, but it doesn’t matter, does it?”

“It matters to me.”

“I mean in the greater context. The context where I have a professional relationship with your daughter, to be specific.”

“Which is why I asked about later. After school ends.”

Benji shakes his head. “I don’t want to talk about this. Not right now, at least.”

“Why not?”

“Ethan, there’s so many--”

“Daddy!”

Both Ethan and Benji come to a stop when Lacey’s faint voice drifts down the stairs. Ethan hadn’t realized until that moment how little space there is left between the two of them, close enough that he can barely pick up on the scent of Benji’s cologne. There’s a brief pause before he heads to the archway and calls back, “Yeah, sweets?”

Quick footsteps dash halfway down the stairs, just enough that she can peak over the railing at Ethan. “Can I take a bath?”

“You need any help making it?”

“Mm-mm.”

“Take a bath, then.”

“Okay.” She rushes back upstairs without saying anything more. Ethan waits for a few seconds and returns to the kitchen when no new request pops into Lacey’s head. He finds Benji leaning against the counter with his phone in his hand and the dishwasher running.

“Was that all the plates?” Ethan asks.

Benji looks up. “Yeah. That’s all of them.”

He pauses. “What are you doing now?”

“Just making sure I had told you everything that mattered regarding Lacey.”

“Oh.”

He gives a weak grin. “Don’t sound so disappointed.”

“I wasn’t trying to be. It was more of an, oh, that’s what you’re doing.”

“You don’t have to act like you don’t want to continue our earlier conversation.” He puts his phone back in his pocket. “But I also don’t have much else to say about the topic, unless you’re a fan of talking in circles.”

“No, that’s alright.” He shoves his hands in his pockets and takes a few steps closer to Benji. “Are you going on your way then, or…”

“I best be going. I think it’s supposed to snow any time now, so the sooner I get home, the better.”

“Wait, it’s supposed to snow?”

“It was all over the news today.”

“I guess I didn’t pay attention.”

“So that’s how you missed it was Valentine’s Day too, then?” His smile becomes more genuine.

“Must be.”

“Even with Lacey talking about it.” He tsks his tongue teasingly.

“I know you’re just joking, but I really try not to be too absent--”

“‘Absent’ is a word I wouldn’t ever use to describe you.”

“Thanks.” He sends Benji a similar grin. “Let me go get your coat.”

Benji follows him back into the entryway wordlessly, standing aside as Ethan opens the closet and pulls out his coat. When Benji goes to grab it, he pulls away slightly and spreads either flap apart. “I know how to put on my coat,” Benji says in a light tone, but he allows Ethan to assist him, anyway. As he sticks his right arm in, he continues with, “I hope I didn’t upset you at all. The last thing I’d ever want to do is make you feel like you’ve upset me in some way, especially not when it’s my own problem.” He gets his next arm in and then twists around. “Thanks--”

Ethan hadn’t meant to get so close to Benji, but they’re suddenly face-to-face, so close that it makes him dizzy. It seems to have a similar effect on Benji from the way he lets out a shallow breath, like he’s unsure of what exactly to do next. But his eyes are on Ethan’s lips, staring at them more hungrily than anything else, and it causes the corners of Ethan’s lips to tilt upwards.

“I don’t think you’re upset at me,” he responds quietly.

“Good.” He blinks a few times, letting out a small puff of air when Ethan’s fingers close around the lapel of his coat. “I want to be friends with you regardless of what may happen.”

“Regardless?”

“You’re really so--” He stops himself. “Will you stop looking at me like that?”

“Like what?”

“I don’t need to explain.”

“I’m curious.”

“You want to hear me confirm what you want.”

“What’s that?”

“That I want to kiss you.”

His heart leaps. “Why don’t you, then?”

“I told you already.”

“What if I did?”

“What?”

Ethan gently pulls on his coat, bridging the gap between them so their noses brush. He can hear Benji suck in air, and that one little noise makes him want him even more because he knows Benji feels the same way even if he tries to resist it. And it’s intoxicating to be there, so close to him, head spinning with desire, until Ethan leans closer and bumps his lips against his.

It’s like the world stops in that moment, both completely still as they breathe in each other’s air. Ethan’s only barely aware of Benji’s soft inhales, and each one makes him more desperate than the last, encouraging him to press forward again for another kiss, this time firmer but just as short. Again, they freeze, Ethan absorbing what it’s like to be so close to Benji again, just like he had dreamt about for however many weeks now, only interrupted when Benji murmurs, “If you’re going to kiss me, why don’t you kiss me?”

A plethora of things he could respond with runs through Ethan’s head, but his first instinct is to accept the challenge and kiss Benji for a third time, now with all the force he can muster. The sudden impact of the kiss causes Benji to stumble over until his back is against the closet door, letting out a small gasp as Ethan catches him and then shifts to run his lips over his jaw. That draws a breathy, “God, Ethan,” from Benji, and Ethan’s head spins. God, Benji’s so lovely and beautiful and so, so real, especially when he clenches his fingers around the collar of his shirt and tilts his head back so Ethan can catch the skin of his neck between his teeth. Benji lets out a soft moan, so needy and hot that Ethan doesn’t protest when he maneuvers his arm to wrap his hand around Ethan’s chin and guide him back to his mouth for a kiss with all the enthusiasm of two people made to wait too long, frantic, messy, completely blissed out.

In his attempt to get closer to him, Ethan slots his knee between Benji’s legs and almost groans when he feels that Benji is already half-hard. His kisses turn even more fervent, grasping onto Benji’s shoulders so tightly that his knuckles are white, but he can’t bring himself to care, not when Benji is so close, so alive. He’s intoxicated on the feel of Benji, the smell of Benji, the taste of Benji, everything about Benji,  _ god _ , Benji.

The desire to feel him is strong enough that Ethan slides one hand down Benji’s torso until his fingertips brush against his waistline and he tugs Benji’s shirt out of his pants. Then Benji’s eyes snap open, and he meets Ethan’s gaze with a bewildered look that’s enough to make him freeze in place, too uncertain over whether or not he should continue. But Benji says nothing, only stares at him with his mouth agape, like he’s just as confused as Ethan about all of this. It only hesitantly encourages Ethan to lay his palm flat against against Benji’s stomach and run it upwards, the fabric of Benji’s shirt catching against it as it rises, up, up, until Benji tilts his head back, closes his eyes once more, and lets out a gentle groan.

That almost ruins Ethan on the spot. He goes in, cupping one hand around his chest to swipe his thumb across his nipple while he sucks on his throat, completely oblivious to anything but what it’s like to be here, pressed up against the closet door, wanting nothing more than for Benji to melt in his hands.

It comes as a surprise when Benji suddenly bumps his hands against Ethan’s chest and ducks away from him. That’s all he needs to back away, panting slightly as he waits for Benji to look at him. “What’s wrong?” he murmurs.

“Nothing’s wrong.”

“Then why’d you stop?”

“This.” He puts his hand on top of the one Ethan still has lying on his chest.

“What’s wrong with that?”

“It’s not that I don’t…” He pauses, gives his hand a light squeeze. “Not here. Not now.”

Ethan blinks, then pulls his hand away. “Right.”

“I’m sorry,” Benji says quickly. “It’s just that your daughter is upstairs, and I’m--”

“I understand.”

His expression softens. “Of course you do.”

“I got a bit carried away, I guess.”

“Happens to the best of us.” Benji slips away from Ethan and shoves his shirt back into his pants. “Don’t know why I’m doing this for, not like anyone’s going to see me with my shirt tucked.”

“Force of habit?”

“Yeah. Force of habit.”

As much as Ethan would like to keep talking, it’s suddenly impossible to find anything else to say. Not when the atmosphere had changed so abruptly, not with adrenaline still coursing through his veins. Instead, he watches as Benji buttons up his coat and stands up taller.

“Well,” Benji says. When Ethan doesn’t respond, he continues with, “Thank you for dinner. It was very delicious.”

“Thank you for coming.”

“There’s really no need to thank me for showing up, is there?”

“It was great to see you again.”

A smile wisps across Benji’s lips, but fades away as soon as it comes. “I guess I best be going now,” he sighs.

“That’s what you said earlier.”

“I’d like to live up to it, this time.” He makes his way to the front door. “Bye, Ethan.”

“Wait,” Ethan says just as Benji pulls it open. “Before you go, would you ever…” He can’t find the words for what he wants to say, not when his head is so clouded. After floundering for a number of seconds, he finally settles on, “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

Another smile returns to Benji’s face, only this time much more wistful. “Bye, Ethan,” he repeats, even more softly this time, and then he’s gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long time, no see! Sorry for disappearing off the face of the Earth; I just hit a brief rough patch and took a break from writing for a bit. I wanted to least get this out before a full month passed.
> 
> Also: I hesitated mentioning Nyah by name, but I do have a reason for using her and not Julia, that reason being a possible other writing project... 🤫


	8. March

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone. Long time, no see.
> 
> Firstly: I'm so, so sorry for vanishing for two months. My excuse is that I'm now halfway through my last semester of college. On top of classes, I'm working, writing a senior thesis, leading a student group, looking for a full-time job and an apartment, planning on finishing some requirements for a grad program I'm entering soon, and also spending time with my boyfriend. I've been really, really busy!
> 
> Secondly: I did procrastinate a bit with this chapter because I hit a bit of writer's block and decided that I should let my will to write come back to me rather than forcing myself to turn out something I disliked. I think after writing over like, what, 150k? words of fan fiction for Benthan last year, I needed some time to recharge. Now I'm back! Fingers crossed that the last two chapters will come out much faster than this one <3
> 
> I promise I am still lingering. I haven't moved on from Mission: Impossible yet. Thank you all for staying patient with me! :)

Despite all of Ethan’s experience and qualifications, he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t intimidated by the sight of nearly 200 third graders swarming the library while their teachers try their hardest to get them into lines. He had known how many students were in Lacey’s grade, but he hadn’t quite gauged just how many there would be on this field trip until this moment. The sight of all of them is overwhelming enough that he turns to Lacey to ask what he’s supposed to do, but he finds that she skipped off without warning to join her friends, leaving him alone in front of a sea of strangers’ children.

Ethan scans the area until he finds a few other parents congregated in front of the library help desk. He approaches them and, once in earshot, asks, “Is this where the parent chaperones go?”

“That would be us,” a dad answers. “Whose class are you from?”

“Mr. Dunn’s.”

“Oh, Angela just went to the bathroom. You know Angela?”

“Yeah.”

“When she gets back, we can talk more about who gets bus duty.”

Ethan’s unsure what bus duty exactly means, but doesn’t bother asking. It must already be obvious that he’s never been on a field trip before, especially with super parents like Angela who appear to attend every school event. It just never seemed like a good idea to take off work, especially now that he’s a single father, but Lacey managed to hassle him into signing up this year, and he couldn’t take it back, even when his real motivations for joining crept through his mind and left him feeling guilty.

“Here she is.”

Ethan pulls himself out of his thoughts and watches as Angela approaches the group. She quickly acknowledges him before jumping straight to delegating whose job is to ride on the bus with the children. When it’s all said and done, Ethan is one of the parents who gets to drive himself to the destination. He turns back towards all the kids as the group splits up, scanning his eyes over all of them in an attempt to find Lacey, only to stop when his gaze meets Benji’s.

He blinks, and then a small smile tugs on his lips. Benji reacts in a similar manner, although much shyer, like he shouldn’t be seen with him in public. Then Benji nods his head, just enough that Ethan catches it and takes it as an invitation to approach him. “I thought I saw your name on the sign-up list,” Benji says as he approaches him.

“I suppose that I enjoyed satisfying one of Lacey’s requests for me to miss work for a day enough.”

“Sure you did.” Benji’s grin wavers. “If we drive over any potholes on our way--”

“Don’t start on this again,” he interrupts, and Benji laughs.

“I’m only teasing you. It’s nice for you to show up for Lacey, really.”

Ethan’s face softens. “You think so?”

“Do you want me to go pseudo-child psychologist on you?”

“No, but I’d like to hear you explain what you mean by that, anyway.”

“Oh, you know. ‘This is a very critical time of your daughter’s life,’ and all that. I’m sure you’ve heard people stress how important it is for you to be a present father before.”

“Maybe once or twice.”

“Then it would be pointless to re-explain it, given that you’re already here.”

“You can if you’d like.”

“I’m afraid I have some responsibilities to tend to first,” Benji responds, his smile suddenly nervous. “We’re about to huddle all the kids together and load them onto the buses. That requires a bit of work from my end.”

“Are you riding the bus, then?”

He shakes his head. “Fortunately not my responsibility this year. I’m riding with the other lucky teacher who doesn’t have to monitor the buses.”

“Is it that bad?”

Benji purses his lips together. “I can tell you more about it later, maybe.”

He hates to let it drop there, not when he’s unsure if he’ll even be able to catch Benji again after this. All he wanted to do up until now was to talk to him again. But Benji’s already taking a few steps back towards his class, that same unsure grin on his lips, waiting for Ethan’s response before he finally turns back towards the kids.

“I’ll catch you later,” Ethan says, and Benji’s face lightens as he flips around.

* * *

In third grade, as Lacey explained, the class field trip is something like a science museum, but not quite the same. Ethan knew what she was referring to the moment she started describing it, only because it’s been such a popular place for all his friends to take their kids to visit, but neither he nor Lacey had ever been there before. And she’s definitely excited, as evidenced through the way she bounces towards the bus with the same energy she had when she described it to Ethan.

The drive doesn’t take very long, although Ethan does beat all the buses and most of the teachers and chaperones there. He waits at the entrance with three other parents, peeking through the large archway connecting the ticket desk to the rest of the building to catch a glimpse of what’s inside. Lacey had gone into excruciating detail about how each exhibit is a different scientific area with all kids of interactive elements and various activities to do, which had admittedly peaked his interest even further. It’s a vain effort, as everything is tucked around the corner, putting it all just out of his view, but it doesn’t stop him from trying until all the buses pull up in front of the entrance and all the students file out.

The children sort themselves into their classes before entering. Ethan keeps his eyes on Benji’s class, waiting until they finally choose a corner to gather in before approaching. Lacey spots him first, breaking away from the rest of the group to race over to him. “Hi, Daddy,” she says breathlessly, as if she hadn’t seen him less than thirty minutes prior.

“Hey, sweets,” he returns. “Better get back in line until we find out what we’re doing.”

“Someone is getting us all inside right now. We’re just waiting for them.”

“Lacey!” comes Benji’s voice. “Over here, please!”

She turns around on heel and jogs back to her original spot. Ethan is slow to follow her and shoves his hands into his pockets as he stands a few feet away. The class isn’t so much of a line as it is a swarm of children buzzing with excitement. Ethan waits for Benji to say something to get everyone quiet and uniform, but he allows them to chatter, even joining in with some students’ conversations when approached. They’re only interrupted when a parent hands Benji a number of wristbands, which he quickly passes out. “If you need help, please ask someone!” he calls as all the kids begin testing away the paper protecting the adhesive.

“Daddy?”

Ethan looks down at Lacey holding her arm out with the wristband dangling from her hand. He kneels down and helps put it around her wrist, only to discover a few other children with the same need lined up behind her. There’s no hesitation as he moves onto the next child, smiling when he gets a quiet, “Thanks, Mr. Hunt,” in response. When he starts on a third student, he feels a hand gently grasp his shoulder.

When he turns around, he sees Benji there, looking down at him with an amiable expression. “Have you gotten a wristband yet?” he asks.

“No.”

“Here you go, then.” He hands over a larger light blue wristband.

“What do we need them for? Proof of admission?”

“More so the workers can match up students with chaperones.” He nods towards a similar wristband on his arm. “The kids are allowed to run around and do whatever, but sometimes they wander a bit too far.”

“Sounds normal.”

“Hence the wristbands.” He helps Ethan up on his feet, and then turns away before Ethan can continue their conversation further. “Alright, my class!” Benji starts. “I need you all to listen to me!”

Ethan waits off to the side again as Benji gives the students various instructions on how to behave themselves, following it with information about the planned group activity they had first and when to meet back to lunch after the kids break off to do whatever they like. He’s not sure how many kids heard what Benji said really, not with the way they keep whispering and giggling, and especially not when all the other teachers are trying to do the same thing. But when they’re finally allowed in, each group follows their teacher without rushing ahead or running away. Maybe their obedience as they head to their first activity of the day is only the consequence of all the gawking they do as they look around the area, which is a lot for even Ethan to take in. The building is two stories tall, with multiple places sectioned off for themed displays and interactive elements, just as Lacey had promised. Biology over here, meteorology over there, physics, astronomy, paleontology, chemistry, and more that Ethan can’t quite make out yet.

Eventually, the group stops as they meet with a small group of workers, one for each class. The worker assigned to Benji’s class looks like she can’t be much older than 20, bright-eyed and eager.

“Hello!” she greets warmly. “I’m Briane! Before I let you all go have fun, I’d like to show you around!”

“Here we go again,” someone sighs next to Ethan.

Ethan’s skin prickles as he recognizes the voice. Then he glances over at Benji. “I didn’t see you sneak up to me.”

“I come to the back when we go on the tour,” he explains. “I keep an eye on everyone so they don’t touch anything they shouldn’t be touching quite yet.”

“And you know which thinks they shouldn’t touch?”

“This is my tenth time coming here. The only thing that keeps me from giving this tour myself is the fact that sometimes new exhibits come in.”

The class starts moving forward. Benji allows them to get a short distance ahead of them before he gestures at Ethan to follow him.

“What’s your favorite exhibit, then?” Ethan asks.

“The forensic science lab is especially fun, I must admit. The simple machines can be fun, too, particularly when you’re with a student who knows how to use them effectively.”

“You play with the kids?”

“When they ask me to.” He pauses. “Except for the dino dig. The sand may be fake but it still finds its bloody way into my shoe and irritates me for the next three days, somehow.”

“So I really should be asking you for the truth about what’s good and what isn’t around here, not the tour guide.”

“Absolutely. If they’d put me in charge, I’d have already put in some kind of kid-friendly neuroscience exhibit in here by now. Or, even better, expose kids to the world of psychiatry this early on.”

Ethan laughs. “I guess biology is close enough.”

“I suppose so. At least they differentiated biology from ecology and zoology.” He points towards a large tree playhouse that towers over the entire area. “That’s the zoology exhibit. They have a bunch of birds living in there, believe it or not.”

“Is that ethical?”

“They have trained handlers. This place is serious.”

Before Ethan has the chance to say anything, one of the kids at the back of the group turns around and whispers, “Mr. Dunn, sh!”

Ethan bites back a snicker as Benji winces. “Show me around later,” Ethan says quietly.

“Don’t give them any more reason to scold you,” he responds.

* * *

When all the kids are finally free to do what they like, Ethan half expects Lacey to grab him and pull him off somewhere, but she chooses to do that with a few friends instead. It comes as partly a betrayal and partly a relief, especially when Benji looks over at him in a way that seems like he’s willing to uphold Ethan’s request before they stopped talking. But he doesn’t come over to him immediately, instead talking with a few students who approach him while Ethan stands with his hands in his pockets and watches various kids disappear into different areas. He lifts his head and looks up at the second story, noticing other parents and teachers also standing around and engaging with children. There’s a twinge of regret as he watches them, thinking about all the time he could have spent with Lacey had he taken her here before now, but his musing doesn’t last for very long before Benji rejoins him with a quiet, “It might be best to look around while nobody from my class needs me.”

Ethan’s heart leaps, but he’s quick to answer, “You don’t actually have to if you don’t want to.”

“What else am I supposed to do? Be dragged away to the dino dig again?”

“It’s just that--” He stops himself. Benji’s sudden ease about being around him feels a bit strange, given that their last meeting still hangs heavy in Ethan’s mind, but ruining this chance he has to be with Benji again would be stupid. “Never mind.”

Benji sends him an uncertain look, but doesn’t press further. “I’m assuming you at least caught most of the tour since Gavin shushed us.”

“Yeah,” he answers quietly. It’s technically not a lie, considering that he did catch _ most _of the tour, but Benji’s ass detracted from his ability to pay complete attention.

“That means all I can really do is show you where I’d probably scamper off to if I was eight years old again.”

“How about the places you would go in your current age?”

“Thirty-eight is a tad bit more embarrassing than eight.”

“This place is advertised for kids and adults, isn’t it?”

“Yes, but--”

“Then show me which places you like the best. You already told me that you have a favorite, anyway.”

A small smile twitches on Benji’s lips. “The NASA for children exhibit is rather fun. The tour guide didn’t really explain much about it when we passed it, which is both a shame and a blessing, because maybe that means we’ll get it more to ourselves.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Let me show you.”

Benji guides him upstairs to the aforementioned exhibit, tucked away between the spots for forensic science and meteorology. “We can go there next,” he tells Ethan as he nods towards the faux police station. “Usually kids are just swarming it, though, which is why I brought you here instead.”

Inside the entrance is a spaceship display, similar to all the pictures of the interiors of spacecrafts that Ethan’s seen in photographs. “This isn’t really the interesting part,” Benji continues, “although some of the things in here are fun. You know, like picking up moon rocks with the astronaut gloves and whatever that machine over there is supposed to be.” He points towards something that resembles an elliptical with a child currently balancing himself on it. “But the real fun is over here. I feel like you’ll like this.”

They make their way through the rest of the display quickly and pass through another doorway. Tucked into a corner is a series of chairs at desks, facing something covered by a plastic overhang. The sight makes Benji only visibly more excited, especially when he leads Ethan over towards the chairs eagerly.

“Here they are,” he says, and then Ethan finally sees the computers under the overhangs.

He blinks. “Are those flight simulators?”

“Hell yes, they are.”

Ethan pauses, stares at them for a few moments longer, and then laughs.

“What’s funny?”

“You’re not going to believe what I’m going to tell you.”

“What?”

“I’m, uh--” He laughs again. “I’m a licensed pilot.”

The joy on Benji’s face immediately turns into shock. “You’re joking.”

“See? I told you that you wouldn’t believe me.”

“Because nothing has ever given me reason to think that you might be a licensed pilot before now. What the bloody hell do you need a pilot’s license for?”

“You have a lot of free time when you’re single and have no kids.”

“I know that, but I still don’t have enough time to become a _ pilot _.”

“You could if you wanted to.”

“Don’t tell me you own a plane.”

“I don’t, but if you ever find one and need a pilot…”

“When am I ever going to stumble across a plane?”

“You never know. But hey, you were right when you said you’d think I’d like this.”

“A bit too on the nose, I think.”

Ethan takes a seat in front of one of the computers. “I’m surprised none of the kids have found this yet.”

“It usually takes them a bit before they come back here. They get too distracted by everything else to check out the weird, dark corner.” Benji sits down to the left of Ethan. “I’ve done this enough times that I can adequately land the plane, I think, but it’s hard when I have a year in between attempts to get out of practice.”

“Why don’t you try again and see?”

“I get nervous with people watching me.”

“Then I’ll land my own plane and you land yours.”

“Okay, but you can’t look or judge afterwards.”

“I’m hurt that you think I’d judge you.”

“Given that you have a pilot’s license, I would think your ability to judge would be justified.”

“I would never!”

Benji goes quiet suddenly. When Ethan leans back in his chair, he catches Benji’s profile, eyes focused on the screen in front of him. The determination on his face is oddly endearing, and Ethan scolds himself when he continues watching him instead of looking away, but he can’t keep his eyes off of him. It doesn’t last too long, though, because once Benji finishes the simulation, he turns his head and notices Ethan watching him. “What did I say!” he exclaims.

“Sorry, it’s just that--” He stops, unsure of what exactly he should say that wouldn’t make things uncomfortable.

“What?”

“I can’t even see your computer screen from here.”

“Sure you can’t.”

“No, really, I can’t.”

“And yet you were looking at me anyway.”

“Is there anything wrong with that?”

“You’re making me self-conscious.” Then he stops, like he realizes suddenly what Ethan’s thinking, and he ducks his head away quickly. “Did you even try at least?” he asks, voice much lower than it was before.

“Try what?”

“So I’m taking that as a no.”

“Oh, you mean the--” Ethan lets out a short laugh. “I guess I got caught up in my thoughts.”

“That can’t be good.”

“Maybe not.”

There’s a short but heavy pause, only punctuated by Benji letting out a somewhat forced sigh. “Well, come on, then,” he says as he scoots towards Ethan. “I want to see you land this plane.”

“So I can’t watch you, but--”

“You already did. Come on, let me see your pilot skills in action.”

“If this goes terribly, it’s because this isn’t as intricate as what was used to teach me.”

“Excuses, excuses. Come on.” He reaches over Ethan and starts the simulation. “Here we go.”

Ethan obeys wordlessly, praying silently that he wouldn’t be embarrassed by this simulation made for children, especially with Benji leaning over his shoulder. But his anxiety is for nothing, as he manages to land his fake plane without much issue.

“Well done,” Benji tells him. “You definitely did that better than me.”

“No offense to you, but I would hope so.”

“So this thing is different enough from whatever you trained with to not reflect badly on you if you do badly, but good enough to validate your piloting skills?”

“Mm-hm.”

“That doesn’t quite add up.”

“It doesn’t?” Ethan turns around to face Benji, only to find him much closer than he had previously thought. Benji seems to notice too, given the way he suddenly tilts his head away and back towards the screen in front of them.

“I don’t see how I’m supposed to be impressed when the simplicity of this simulator would downplay your failure.”

“You’re impressed because it’s me.”

Benji laughs. “Where’d that ego come from?”

“You forced my hand.”

“I’ve hardly forced you to do anything.”

“You made me do this.”

“There was an element of choice involved. I didn’t physically make you--”

“That’s being picky about definitions.”

“--and even if I did, I’m sure you could easily overpower me with arms that size.”

Ethan blinks. “I don’t think my arms are that big.”

“Don’t make me laugh.”

“What’s there to laugh at?”

“I need both hands to get all the way around your bicep. Look.” Benji reaches out and wraps his hands around his left arm. “Anyone looks at you and they’ll immediately know you could probably bench a few hundred pounds.”

Ethan’s expecting Benji to pull away, but he keeps his hands in place and eyes fixed on his muscle, even after he’s finished talking. “Just because I work out doesn’t mean I know any defensive tactics.”

“I’m willing to bet that you do, though.” He gives Ethan’s arm a quick squeeze that makes his heart skip a beat before pulling his hands away.

“You have no basis for that.”

“You do, don’t you?”

Ethan doesn’t answer.

“I’m taking that as a yes.”

“Consider yourself lucky.”

“You’re not so hard to figure out,” Benji says as he gets to his feet.

“And who do you think I am?”

“Forty-something beefcake--”

“Beefcake?”

“You didn’t let me finish--”

“A _ beefcake? _”

“It’s not said disparagingly, but how else am I supposed to describe the muscles and--” Benji cuts himself off with a small laugh. “You’re intelligent and caring and fun to be around, but you’re also, uh…” His eyes drift down Ethan’s torso. “I don’t need to tell you that you’re easy to look at, do I?”

“Not here,” Ethan responds immediately.

Benji tilts his head, as if he’s missed on what Ethan’s implying, but his cheeks flush just slightly. “Maybe somewhere else, then.”

“Like where?”

“Right in the middle of all the kids in that forensic science lab.”

It’s a choice that makes Ethan’s shoulders droop a bit, just because of how much he enjoys being alone with Benji, but it’s a strategically smart choice, nonetheless. “It was just over here, right?” he asks as he gets to his feet.

“Yep.”

Just as they turn towards the exit, two students enter and sprint over towards the computers. “Good timing,” Ethan comments. Benji does little more than send a weak grin in response.

The sudden end to their conversation is awkward, but Ethan doesn’t know what quite to do to resolve the tension that now exists between them. Maybe it’s his fault that their conversation got where it did, maybe it’s Benji, but either way, he wants to simultaneously pull him aside and press further, just to see how far he can go now that he has him, and behave himself around so many kids. Damn, this was a mistake, he thinks as Benji greets a few students while they enter the next exhibit.

“Here we are,” he tells Ethan. “This is fun. The microscopes, I mean. Look, over here.”

Ethan follows him, keeping his eyes off of him to the best of his ability, because Lord help him if he gets stuck staring at him again. “What’s in here?” he asks once he’s in front of a microscope.

“Actual hair and fabric samples. A lot of kids like this because they’ve never looked into a microscope before. They already have different samples in each one, so you can just lean in and look.”

Ethan bends forward and places his eye against the eyepiece. Sure enough, a detailed image of whatever sample he has appears. “Oh, wow,” he says. “Which sample is this?”

“That’s, uh…” Benji leans forward. “Oh, that’s the polyester fiber.”

“Does everything look like this under the microscope?”

“Have you never looked through a microscope before?”

“Not that I can remember.”

“Civil engineering,” Benji sighs dramatically. “That’s not even my favorite sample. They have all kinds of hair examples over here.”

Ethan reluctantly pulls away and moves over to where Benji’s at. In that microscope is a strand of blond hair.

“I don’t know,” Ethan starts, “this isn’t as interesting to look at as the polyester fiber.”

“But this is what the hair on your head looks like!”

“What about elsewhere?”

“Stop it,” Benji gasps with a playful swat on the arm. “There are kids here, remember?”

“What? There’s chest hair and facial hair and arm hair--”

“Ethan.”

He straightens himself up with a grin. “It’s not my fault that you interpreted that much more inappropriately than I intended.”

“Forgive me for being on my guard.”

“When have I ever made a comment like that?”

“Maybe you haven’t, but Lacey…”

Ethan’s face flushes. “You’re not talking about our dinner, are you?”

“I suppose I keep bringing up bad topics in children’s environments,” Benji continues.

“You suppose?”

“Although, to be fair, Lacey is a child.”

“But you want to mention it _ here? _”

“Just something to keep you humble.”

“_ Humble? _Why do you think that?”

Benji grins and then turns around. “Kids love the fingerprint station, but trying to get them to wash all the ink off their fingers is a pain.”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“We really have to make sure that everyone washes their hands before lunch because of it, so look forward to doing that in an hour and a half or so.”

“Benji,” Ethan says with a stern tone, and Benji laughs.

“Can’t I tease you every so often?”

“But right here? About _ that? _”

“We don’t want you feeling too good after landing that fake plane.”

“You did, too.”

“And then I complimented your physical appearance.”

“I could even that out, you know.”

Benji spins around to face him suddenly. “Don’t do that,” he rushes out in a quiet voice.

“If you’re going to embarrass me--”

“Ethan!”

“--then I can tell you that you’re also very nice to look at.”

Benji’s face turns pink. “Wasn’t you who said ‘not here’ earlier?”

“I’m finished.”

He doesn’t say anything, choosing instead to stare at him for a few moments longer before letting his gaze sweep across Ethan’s lips. That’s enough to make Ethan feel a bit breathless again, and as much as he knows flirting here is disastrous, he doesn’t regret it, not from the way Benji makes his chest lighten and his head spin.

“What now?” Ethan forces himself to say, and Benji’s eyes become alert again.

“Uh, well, there _ is _a mystery to solve here…”

* * *

Just as Benji had warned, lunchtime becomes an unexpectedly stressful event as Ethan ushers a number of children towards the bathroom before they can slip past him and towards the cafeteria. It’s a feat that’s easier said than done, considering the amount of kids there are and how eager they are to get to lunch. By the time they’re finished, Ethan lets out an exhausted sigh and slumps towards the cafeteria. He finds that a few teachers and chaperones have already gathered at a table. When he spots Benji among them, he perks up; before he can get there, however, a small hand grabs onto his.

“Daddy, come sit with me!” Lacey squeals.

The sudden appearance of his daughter catches him off guard. “Whoa, stranger, who are you?”

“_ You’re _the stranger,” she retorts. “I haven’t seen you all day.”

“You seemed perfectly happy without me.”

“Well, I wanna see you now.” She tugs him in the direction of the table where her lunchbox and five other girls sit. “Daddy, this is Anna and Riley and Emma and Bella and Laurel.”

“Hello,” Ethan says politely.

“That’s _ your _dad?” one of them asks.

“This is my daddy,” Lacey answers as she takes a seat.

“Blake told me that he’s Will’s dad.”

“No! See, I have his eyes.” She tugs on her lower eyelid and points. “Will has brown eyes, I have green eyes.” She turns around to face Ethan. “Sit down so I can show them your eyes.”

“I have to get my lunch.”

“Okay, but you have to come back, ’cuz I saved this seat for you.”

“I’ll be back,” he reassures. When he turns away, he finds he’s not quite sure where the containers with all the lunches had been moved to. He settles on approaching the congregation of teachers and chaperones to ask, but before he has a chance to do so, Benji notices him.

“There you are,” he says cheerfully. “I was wondering when you’d join us.”

His heart flutters at Benji’s warmth, but it quickly turns into a dull ache when he thinks about Lacey. “Sorry to say that I’ve already accepted a seat over there.” He nods in the direction of her table. “I’m here to ask where all the lunches went.”

“Oh.” Benji’s shoulders slump. “Uh, I think they went…” He cranes his head to scan the cafeteria until he settles somewhere behind him. “Ah, there it is. It’s tucked away over there.”

“Thanks, Benj.”

It’s only as he’s walking away that he realizes he shortened Benji’s name without realizing it. He winces, hoping that he didn’t cross any line with such an obvious informality, suddenly feeling grateful that he’ll be with Lacey for the lunch period instead of embarrassing himself in front of Benji anymore.

He finds the lunch he made for himself quickly and starts on his way back. When he passes by the teachers’ table, Benji calls out, “Ethan, wait!”

Ethan stops and turns around. “Yeah?”

“Where are you going to be this afternoon?” he asks from his seat at the table.

“I don’t know.”

“Can I count on seeing you at the cloud-making machine?”

He grins. “Sure you can.”

“I’ll meet you there, then.”

Ethan’s smile grows as he continues his way back to Lacey’s table. As he sits down, she says, “Oh, good, you came back.”

“I told you I was coming back.”

“Yeah, but you started talking to Mr. Dunn and I wasn’t sure.”

“I was only asking where my lunch was.”

“I could have told you that.”

“You could have grabbed it, too.”

“I didn’t know where you were,” she says defensively, and Ethan smiles.

“I’m only teasing.”

“I thought you’d sit by Mr. Dunn without finding me at all. You were going that direction.”

“Because all the adults were sitting there.”

“So?”

“So I figured you’d want to be alone with your friends, still.”

“But I want to see you now,” she says with a frown.

Ethan stops, and looks around. “Huh,” he muses. “It looks like I’m already here but you’re complaining anyway.”

Lacey attempts to deepen her frown, but a small grin breaks through. “Yeah, ’cuz I grabbed you.”

“I bet after lunch you’ll leave me again.”

“You’ll be too busy with Mr. Dunn to care,” she responds, and he’s torn between laughing and feeling stunned at her pointed observation.

“Why would you think that?”

“You were with him all morning, Daddy.”

“How do you know that?”

“’Cuz I saw you! See, you were so busy with him that you didn’t even see me.”

He’s feeling a bit speechless, if he’s being completely honest. “Sorry, sweets.”

“Don’t say sorry,” she sighs. “Just eat your lunch.”

“Your wish is my command,” he answers, and he ruffles Lacey’s hair.

* * *

If getting all the kids to lunch was difficult, it’s surprisingly even more challenging to get all of them back to the science center. It shouldn’t be surprising, not when they’ve all had their little packaged cakes and cookies from home, but the sudden bit of sugar combined with a mixture of third-grade curiosity and boredom lead a number of students astray and leave Ethan feeling slightly overwhelmed. He dedicates himself to corralling everyone back to the areas they’re supposed to go, and after nearly 15 minutes of lightly chastising groups of friends and triple-checking that nobody else has snuck away from the group, he makes it to the staircase and starts his way up.

The sight of a group of children pumping small clouds out of a large machine guides Ethan directly to the meteorology exhibit. When he enters, he finds a set-up similar to a news station. There’s a number of screens in a countertop that forms a barrier between the exhibit and a TV screen displaying clips of various weather events. He takes it all in, taken by the sounds of rolling thunder and high wind playing in the background, until he finally notices Benji knelt by the counter next to a girl with braids, gesturing towards the screen and giving her an encouraging nudge. She bends over, presses something, and stands up straight again, leading to Benji gasping, “Look what you’ve done!” and patting her on the shoulder.

The girl smiles bashfully and slips her fingertips between her lips. When Benji asks, “You want to do it again?”, she nods and uses her other hand to touch the screen. Ethan nears them, stopping when he’s finally able to see that they’re working at some sort of tornado simulator. He only watches quietly for a few moments before Benji cranes his head around and looks up at Ethan.

“So how long were you going to lurk before saying anything?” Benji asks. The girl next to him glances back at Ethan.

“I didn’t want to interrupt you.”

“And standing around creepily was your solution?”

“What else was I supposed to do?”

Benji grins, pats the girl’s back, and then gets to his feet. “I was worried you might have gotten lost between the cafeteria and here.”

“If I’m being honest, I almost did. There were a few boys who really managed to roam far away.”

“I’m assuming you brought them back with you.”

“I at least tried to.”

He smiles. “Well, if you tried, I suppose that’s good enough.”

“Even if I eventually lost them?”

“I’ll just hope you’re joking.”

“They ran off towards the anatomy section. Who knows where they are now?”

“Ah, that’s better than losing them by an emergency exit door. At least it’s not your responsibility anymore if they go through one.”

“Easy for you to say that when all you had to do is come up here and be a good teacher.”

“I feel like that carries an implication that being a good teacher is easy.”

“I never said that.”

“You were certainly saying it’s easier to do this than to keep your eye on a few kids.”

“A _ few kids? _”

Benji grins. “You’re here now. That’s all that matters.”

“If you’re going to act offended because of what I said--”

“Are you going to stand here and argue with me or try to enjoy the rest of the afternoon?”

“You started it!”

“And I’m ending it.”

“No, I want to talk about this now.”

“Too late, I’m bored.”

“Well, what else is interesting to you, then?”

“Hm.” He glances around the exhibit. “The tornado maker really is fun. I like it better than the hurricane one, personally. There’s all kinds of neat things in here about the weather, really. This is where I learned how to tell different kinds of clouds apart.”

“So this building can rest assured knowing that someone did learn something from all this.”

“Oh, they can definitely be certain about that,” Benji answers as he wanders back towards the TV screen. “Usually, we touch on simple machines as the last science unit in class. Most students can already identify them because of this place.”

“I have to admit that I wish I brought Lacey here before now.”

“Why’s that?”

“She’s asked me for a while. Even though I thought it sounded neat, I just never thought I had the time.” He rubs his neck. “I worked longer hours before my divorce. By the time I got home, I just felt…”

“Drained?”

“Yeah. And then when the weekends came… I don’t know, I just never got around to it. Since Nyah left, I’ve realized more and more how many opportunities I’ve missed out on with Lacey because I was so focused on my job.”

“You’re here now, aren’t you?”

“It doesn’t make up for everything else.”

“But Lacey seems happy. Even if she was hurt by all of that, I’m sure she’d grow up to understand that you’ve always cared about her.”

“I hope so.”

“I know so.” He pauses. “Did she never show you what she wrote about you?”

“What are you talking about?”

“We have writing exercises once or twice a week where I give the students a prompt and they spend fifteen or so minutes writing in their journals about it. There’s a wide range of topics so they can come up with fake stories or describe their wildest dreams or talk about their actual life. The last one can always be tricky, because you have kids with troubled home lives, so I try to keep questions generic, like, ‘Who’s somebody that inspires you?’ Lacey wrote about you for that prompt.”

Ethan blinks. “She did?”

“It was sweet,” he continues. “It wasn’t completely candid, but she did reference your divorce. With all that’s happened this year, it seemed like a huge step forward for her emotionally to even be able to mention it.”

“What did she say?”

“I don’t remember it word for word, but she really looks up to you, Ethan. I wouldn’t worry about being a bad father at all.”

Ethan tries to swallow, but the sudden lump in his throat makes it challenging. “Usually she tells me that stuff,” he murmurs.

“Maybe this was more personal than usual.”

“Maybe.”

Benji turns and parts his lips, but whatever he’s about to say never comes out. Instead, he frowns and furrows his brow; then he says, “Hold on, I’m being summoned,” and takes a few steps forward.

Ethan glances towards the entrance of the meteorology area to find one of the other third grade teachers standing there with a strained smile. He purses his lips and watches as Benji starts a brisk and quiet conversation with her. It ends with Benji giving her a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder before she spins around and hurries towards the staircase. When he returns to Ethan, Ethan asks, “Is everything alright?”

“Yes and no.”

“Is this something I should worry about?”

“No, not at all. Her daughter got sick at daycare, so she has to go pick her up since her husband can’t leave work. She had to tell me, though, because she was my ride here.”

Ethan frowns. “That’s no good.”

“You’re telling me.”

“What are you going to do now?”

“I’ll have to find a way to get back home.”

“Well, that’s easy. You can just come back with me.”

Benji cocks his head. “I don’t want to be an extra burden--”

“It’s not a problem at all.”

“But how about the other person who rode with you?”

“I drove by myself.”

“You did?”

“All the other parents in your class partnered up.”

“And then there was you.”

“Mm-hm.”

Benji purses his lips. “I don’t know, I wouldn’t want to impose upon you.”

“Benji,” Ethan says more sternly. “Why would you ever think that?”

“My own British politeness, I suppose.”

“I made the offer. We’re friends, aren’t we?”

Benji doesn’t say anything. The silence makes Ethan suddenly panic, wondering if he had crossed an obvious line that he had been oblivious to before then. Kissing your daughter’s teacher was bad enough, but was calling them a friend afterwards in front of a bunch of kids worse?

“Benj?” Ethan murmurs.

“Let me go talk to some people first, okay?” he finally answers. “It would be best if I made sure everyone else knew about the change in plans for my return to the school.”

“Is there a problem with me driving you back?”

“There shouldn’t be, I just…” He hesitates and sweeps his eyes over Ethan’s frame. “It’s just to make sure everyone is on the same page.”

“Sure,” he responds, hoping that he doesn’t sound as defeated as he feels.

“Catch you later, Ethan,” Benji says before turning and leaving. In the silence afterwards, Ethan isn’t sure if he should be humiliated or not.

* * *

It’s easier getting the kids back onto the buses than Ethan had anticipated. The sugar rush from lunch had faded into an obvious come-down, making all the students much more sluggish than they were that morning. There were still a few chipper ones here and there, but through the bus windows Ethan could already see a few children slumped over with their eyes shut.

He hangs back on the sidewalk as the last chaperones filter onto the buses and begin double checking to make sure nobody has been left behind. Other parents linger near him, talking quietly amongst themselves until the first bus pulls away and leads the others out. That’s the cue for the other chaperones to begin their way to their cars.

“There you are,” Benji suddenly says.

Ethan turns around and finds Benji smiling at him.

“I’ve been trying to find you all afternoon,” he continues. “I thought maybe you got stuck chasing after kids again.”

“Sort of,” Ethan finally says. “I ran into Lacey. She wanted me to go on the sky bike.”

Benji’s eyes widened. “And I missed it?”

“I never said I did it.”

“After all you’ve told me about yourself, I would highly doubt you didn’t go on the sky bike.”

“You really think I would be brave enough to ride a bike across a tightrope?”

“If I did it, you absolutely did.”

“Wait, you went on it too?”

“Not this year, but I’ve done it thrice in the past.”

“You’re not too cautious yourself.”

“Mind you, if it’s safe enough for a bunch of children to ride--”

“But plenty of people are too scared to do it. Lacey was the only one of her friends who tried it out.”

“I’m absolutely not surprised that she rode on it in the least bit.”

“Should we talk about this more in my car?” Ethan sticks his thumb towards the parking lot. “Assuming you’re still riding back with me.”

“We agreed on that, didn’t we?”

“You didn’t seem too sure earlier.”

“I told you that I had to make sure that everyone knew what I was planning to do.”

“Was that really all it was?”

Benji tilts his head and scratches his ear. “Why don’t we just go to your car?”

Ethan doesn’t say anything more. Instead, he leads Benji to his car, suddenly lonely in the parking lot after so many other parents and teachers had taken off to get back to the school again. They both get inside, Benji letting out a quiet, “Pretty nice ride for a single dad,” as he buckles up.

“Lacey’s not a toddler anymore,” Ethan responds. “And I don’t plan on having any other kids anytime soon. So I don’t see any need to restrain myself to ugly minivans.”

“They’re not _ all _ugly.”

“I don’t think this is the argument you want to be making.”

“Someone has to defend them!”

“No, they really don’t.” He turns on the ignition.

“Don’t tell me you’re some car expert, too.”

“My lips are sealed.”

“I’m taking that as a yes, then,” Benji says as they pull out of the parking lot.

“I worked on cars a bit in college.”

“Of fucking course you did.”

“I had to make some money somehow.”

“Maybe I would expect it more if you studied mechanical engineering.”

“Civil engineering lends itself readily, I think. You have to understand how various metals behave in order to engineer different structures.”

“Still, it’s rather annoying that you’re so good at so many things.”

“Is that why you hesitated to join me?”

Benji frowns suddenly. “I really didn’t mean any harm by that.”

A twinge of regret passes through Ethan’s chest. He hadn’t meant to approach the topic so abruptly. “Maybe I second-guessed myself too much,” he settles on after a handful of seconds.

“About what?”

“I asked if we were friends, and you didn’t have anything to say to that.”

“I didn’t think I had to confirm our friendship.”

“I know, but the way you hesitated made me…” Ethan shrugs. “I guess I don’t know what exactly to think now.”

“Ethan,” Benji sighs, but nothing else follows immediately.

They sit in silence for a few moments before Ethan continues with, “I’m not usually this insecure.”

“I figured as much.”

“It’s just something about you.”

Benji sighs a second time, even more aggravated. “Do you want me to be honest, Ethan?”

“I’m all about honesty.”

“This is what I hesitated. I didn’t want to be alone with you, like _ really _alone and not surrounded by two hundred other people, because I was worried you might bring up what happened a month ago.”

Ethan’s mouth goes dry. God, there are so many things he could say about last month, but all he can get out is, “Can you blame me?”

“No, but I just…” Benji rubs his face. “It was a huge mistake on my part. I shouldn’t have led you on like that.”

“It was mutual.”

“I mean, I know I can’t be anything more than your daughter’s teacher right now, but I let you kiss me, anyway.”

“So we wait until May.”

“It’s not a good idea.”

“That’s what you said last time.”

“Because it’s not, Ethan!”

“Even after the school year is over?”

“Yes, even after then.”

He pauses. “Why not?”

“Because it’s not fair to Lacey.”

“How is it not fair to her?”

“You’ve seen how she’s been behaving all year.”

“She’s been getting better.”

“But that’s exactly the point. Lacey’s finding her groove, finally. Why disrupt something she’s finally getting used to?”

“Lacey can bounce back from a lot.”

“Like hitting her friend because of her mother?” Benji shakes his head. “She keeps a lot of things to herself. If she had a problem, I doubt she would tell you directly.”

“So I talk to her--”

“No,” he interrupts. “She needs time to recover still. She’s only just now starting to get accustomed to everything. Can you imagine how she might feel if her dad starts dating her teacher only a year after her mother left her?”

“I think,” he starts, but he finds that he’s unable to articulate anything.

“I know you’re just as worried about her as I am, if not more so,” Benji continues. “I don’t think now is the best time to pursue a relationship.”

“It seems… presumptive to think Lacey would have a problem.”

“It’s being cautious, not presumptive.”

“If we talked it out--”

“Let me put it this way,” Benji starts suddenly. “Have _ you _recovered from your divorce?”

That catches Ethan off guard. “It was something that was a long time coming.”

“That doesn’t mean it isn’t a lot to take in, especially if you already had a life and a house and a daughter with her.”

“I’m alright.”

“I don’t want to seem condescending, but I think it would be best if I stay away from you and Lacey right now outside of being a teacher. I couldn’t forgive myself if we started something and your relationship worsened because one or both of you weren’t quite ready yet.”

Instinctually, Ethan wants to argue, but nothing comes to mind. Even if Benji’s wrong, he’s right, because the risk of hurting any one of them seems like too much despite any feeling Ethan has that this will all end well. Maybe his certainty that it’ll turn out alright isn’t so much a consequence of his age but a consequence of something else he hadn’t considered, like loneliness, or just that desperation to feel whole with another person again. Maybe he’s asking too much of Benji.

“I’m sorry,” Benji murmurs. “I don’t want to make you feel bad, it’s just…”

“I understand.”

“Do you?”

“What else am I supposed to say?”

“I just want to make sure neither of us leave with any ill feelings.”

“I’m okay.”

“Yeah?”

Ethan forces a smile. “Yeah.”

“If you’re--”

“Just tell me about the sky bike now, will you?” Ethan starts suddenly. “Brave Mr. Dunn getting up there on that tight rope?”

“Well, it’s really the fault of my class. They were just  _ dying  _ to see me go on it…”

Ethan tries his hardest to enjoy the rest of the ride back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S. Everything in this chapter is based off my actual third-grade field trip. It makes me sad that most people in the world have not been able to experience the wonders of this place.


	9. April

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, again.
> 
> Once more: I am so, so, so sorry for disappearing. A LOT has happened in my life (featuring a new apartment, a new job, applying for grad schools, coming out, and a non-COVID related hospitalization) and I lost my spark to write. But I am trying my damn hardest to find it again for the sake of Benji and Ethan (and a few other ships). Sorry this is much shorter than the rest of my chapters after disappearing for eight months, but I hope it's at least enjoyable.

Ethan’s tense when he wakes up one Friday morning, so much so that he beats his alarm by twenty minutes. He doesn’t bother trying to go back to sleep, partly because there’s no reason too, and partly because he couldn’t if he tried. And he hates that he feels so anxious on his daughter’s birthday, because it’s always been something he looked forward to for the first seven years of her life, but last year was difficult, and it’s hard to know what to expect this year, especially when Lacey didn’t ask for a birthday party again.

He rolls out of bed and combs his fingers through his hair. Maybe he could do something for her, just to mitigate anything that might be upsetting her today, like make her the heart-shaped blueberry pancakes she always asked for but he never had time to make. Then he perks up. That sounds like a good idea.

It doesn’t take long for him to get dressed and make it to the kitchen. He sets out all the things she likes putting on her pancakes -- butter, syrup, cinnamon, and whipped cream -- and he starts up on a batter. It’s as he’s getting ready to fry the first one up that he realizes that it’s been ages since he had last tried to make pancakes with any kind of interesting design. He hesitates suddenly and double checks to make sure he’s not misremembering what a heart looks like, and then hopes that he doesn’t completely ruin it as he finally squeezes the contents of the bottle in his hand onto the pan.

The first pancake goes better than expected, although it’s a little misshapen. The second and third are better, and the fourth is almost excellent, he thinks. As he works on the fifth one, he just catches the soft creak of the floorboards. He turns his head and finds Lacey, still in her PJs, curly hair askew, rubbing her eye with the back of her hand.

“Good morning, birthday girl,” Ethan greets sweetly. “I wasn’t expecting you up so early.”

“I can’t sleep,” she mutters.

“Uh oh.” He frowns. “Did you get any sleep last night?”

“I just woke up early.”

“So did I.”

“You always wake up earlier than me.”

“But I woke up even earlier than usual today.” He turns and begins on a sixth pancake. The floorboards creak again.

“Whatcha making?”

“I thought I’d do something special for a certain nine-year-old.”

Lacey appears in his periphery as she approaches the counter. Then she gasps. “Are those blueberry?”

“Just for you.”

Her face lights up. “Really?”

“Why else would I pull all that out?” He gestures towards toppings sitting on the counter. “Happy birthday, sweets.”

She doesn’t say anything else, but the smile on her face as she grabs a plate from the counter is all Ethan needs to know she’s appreciative. He allows her to pile a few pancakes onto her plate, grinning to himself when she lets out a small gasp when she notices the shape, and then asks, “Is there anything you want to do for your birthday? It can be today or tomorrow or Sunday…”

“Ummm.” There’s a long pause as she assembles her pancakes. “The school carnival is today.”

“So you’ve mentioned.”

“Can we do that?”

“What else?”

“That’s all I can think of.”

“That’s all?”

“That’s what I want to do.” She frowns.

“We’ll do that. I just thought you might want to do something else, too.”

“I can’t think of anything else,” she says again.

“You don’t want to do anything with Britt, or--”

“Just the carnival.”

The answer isn’t completely satisfying. Ethan wants to press further, ask her if it was her mom’s absence that was bothering her again this year, but he decides against it. It’s early, after all. She just woke up. Maybe she’d hop off to school and come back with ten thousand ideas about what they could do this weekend.

“Let me know if you change your mind, okay?” Ethan finally settles on, but Lacey is too enamored with her pancakes to pay him any attention. That was good enough for him.

* * *

The term “carnival” is used loosely when it comes to the school carnival. It’s much lower-budget than actual carnivals, but enough effort is put in that Ethan still remains impressed by it when he takes Lacey each year. When they enter the school, Ethan directs Lacey to the large map nearby to see when they had available today. As usual, there are half a dozen inflatables in the gymnasium, dozens of games in the pods, and a silent auction and cake walk in the library, only this time accompanied by the new addition of interactive science demonstrations, a few caterers in the cafeteria, and a dunk tank outside with Mr. Hunley as the unfortunate target.

“Hey, maybe that bungee cord thing is in the cafeteria this year,” Ethan tells her. “You wanna go kick some boys’ butts again?”

He expects an enthusiastic yes from her, just because she had done the same every year. But this time, she only shrugs.

“What?” he gasps.

“I don’t know.”

“I’m talking about that thing where you’re both on the rope running in different--”

“I know what it is, Daddy.”

“And you don’t want to go on it?”

“Not right now.”

“Oh.” There’s a brief, awkward silence, only interrupted when Ethan asks, “Where do you want to go then?”

“Um.” She flicks her eyes across the map. “The cafeteria, I guess.”

“Sure thing, sweets.”

The walk to the cafeteria is quiet. Even when they arrive at the sight of caterers with their amazing arrays of sweets, Lacey’s demeanor doesn’t change. Instead, she chooses a large cookie and takes a seat at one of the tables. Ethan sits down opposite of her. He chews on his lower lip for a moment, deciding upon how he wants to approach her, and finally asks, “Did something happen at school today?”

She shakes her head.

“That can’t be right.”

“Nothing happened.”

“Your birthday celebration happened, didn’t it?” He grins at her. “I know how much you love bringing in cupcakes for everyone.”

She stays quiet. His smile falters.

“How did that go?”

“Fine.”

“Just fine?”

She nods.

Now Ethan’s smile turns into a frown. He curses himself silently, wondering why he didn’t ask her about this earlier, wondering if this is all about her mom again. It takes a few minutes of inner debate and watching Lacey nibble on her cookie before he finally asks, “Lace, is something wrong?”

“Why would something be wrong?”

“You seem sad.”

“I’m not.”

“Then why are you sitting in the cafeteria picking at a chocolate chip cookie?”

“’Cuz I want to.”

“Lace.”

“I said I’m fine.” Her tone rises. 

Ethan backs off, although he’s even more unsettled than before. Last year, she was sad, but not aggravated. As hard as he tried to make her eighth birthday special, it had been a mostly teary night that ended with a cup of hot cocoa and cuddling up in a warm blanket while she fell asleep watching her favorite movie. This was an entirely different beast.

He restrategizes, and says, “What, is something wrong with the cookie?”

She shakes her head.

“Then why are you just picking at it?”

Lacey lifts her head. Finally, their eyes meet, hers melancholy and irritated all at once. Then she grabs the cookie, lifts it so it’s in their periphery, and shoves the remaining portion into her mouth.

“Lace!” Ethan exclaims. “Don’t choke on it!”

“I’m not,” she replies, and he’s not sure if she’s being snarky or not, because her tone is so muffled by the cookie in her mouth that it’s hard to tell. She swallows it down quickly, a bit too quick for Ethan’s liking as a concerned father, and then she gets up.

“Where are you going?”

“To get another.”

“Don’t eat too many. We still have your birthday cake, remember?”

“I know.” She walks away.

Ethan’s shoulders sag as he watches her disappear around the corner to the table where the cookies are. He runs through a list of things he could do to make her feel better, but it seems useless, not when she appears so down at a place she had asked to go to in the first place. Maybe she’s depressed, he thinks, and his chest tightens and his heart sinks.

She comes back a minute later with the same cookie she had before. When she sits down, she starts picking at it again, looking around the cafeteria, anywhere where she can evade Ethan’s eyes. This goes on for an uncomfortably long time before Ethan says, “Did I do something, Lace?”

Lacey sends him a quizzical look.

“I mean, did I upset you?”

She swallows and says, “No.”

“Is that the truth?”

“Yeah.” The word is drawn out, in the way she does whenever she’s annoyed. He decides to change routes.

“After this cookie, I think we should go somewhere else,” he suggests. “Maybe we can go look at the cakes in the library. Or we can see what the goodies bags in the silent auction are this year.”

“I know what some of them are.”

“Great! You can show me around then.”

She swallows down another piece before saying, “I want to go to the gym.”

It’s an unexpected enough answer that it catches Ethan off guard for a brief moment. “We can definitely do that. Just let me know when you’re ready.”

Lacey takes another bite. “I’m ready now.” She crinkles up her napkin around her cookie before getting to her feet and heading over to the trash can. Ethan gets up and follows her lead until they’ve made it to the gym.

Just like last year, it had been transformed into a wonderland of various inflatables. There’s a bounce house in the back right corner with a long line in front of it, a large slide in the corner opposite of it, and then various other inflatable games strewn throughout the gym. The bungee cord inflatable in question is right in the center. They stop and watch as two kids compete in the tug-of-war style game, running away from each other in a desperate attempt to touch the other side first.

“That’s Joey and Kyle,” Lacey says. “They’re in Ms. Carter’s class.”

“Do you think you could beat them?”

Lacey looks up at Ethan, expression unamused. “Duh.”

“I want to see you do it.”

Whatever funk Lacey had been in just minutes ago suddenly faded away as she got in line. She held her head up high, eager to prove that she was the champion of this for the third year in a row. The sight takes a weight off of Ethan’s shoulders, and he takes a breath and smiles, ready to see her back to her spunky self. As bad as Lacey’s competitive side could be, he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t proud when she won anything she tried, even dumb carnival games.

The line inches forward slowly. Some rounds are over before they really started; others drag on and on. At some point, Ethan can tell Lacey’s getting bored, just from the way she bounces on the balls of her feet and swings her arms around her body. He watches as she looks around the gymnasium, reading the banners that hung on the walls as if she hadn’t ever seen them before, glancing over at kids who were laughing and screaming. And then, suddenly, she steps out of line and grabs her shoes.

“Whoa,” Ethan starts. “Where are you going?”

“I changed my mind.” She sits down and shoves her right foot into her sneaker.

“What?”

“I want to go to one of the pods instead.”

“But you were--”

“I changed my mind,” she repeats, moving onto her left shoe now.

“Lace, I don’t understand.”

“There’s nothing to understand. Let’s go.” She gets on her feet, grabs Ethan’s hand, and tugs him forward. “Daddy, c’mon.”

“Wait--”

She sighs, lets go of his hand, and starts for the door without him. Ethan doesn’t follow immediately, choosing instead to scan the gym in search for anything that Lacey might have seen that put her off, but nothing comes into view. The only thing he sees is Britt, who’s on the other side of the gym, getting in line for one of the smaller slides. When he turns to tell Lacey that Britt’s here, she’s nowhere in sight.

Ethan curses under his breath and hurries out the gym doors. He heads towards the right, hoping that she just went to the pod her classroom is in and not anywhere else, but he doesn’t have to travel too far before he finally spots her again. She’s standing at the end of the hallway outside of the gym leading to the cafeteria, arms crossed, head bowed. Ethan quickly catches up with her.

“Hey,” he starts gently, “did you see Britt in there?”

“Yeah.”

“Why’d you leave, then? It might be fun to play with Britt.”

His question is immediately answered when she lifts her head and reveals the tears pooling in her eyes.

“Oh,” he says softly.

“I just want to go to the pod,” she mumbles.

“Sweets, what happened today?”

She shakes her head and shifts her gaze elsewhere. “The pod, Daddy.”

“Lace…” He gets down on one knee and reaches out to stroke her hair back, but Lacey yanks away before he can.

“I’m going,” she says.

“Lace--”

But she turns anyway and starts off. Frustration bubbles up in Ethan’s chest as he watches her curls bounce with each step, but he doesn’t yell, he doesn’t chase after her. Maybe he just needs to let her go, especially when she’s inside some place as safe as her school.

He stands back up, sticks his hands in his pockets, and sighs through his nose. She has enough of a head start now that Ethan figures that he can follow at a distance, just in case she needs him. He makes his way down the hallway and back to the heart of the school, choosing to head past the library to make his way to the third grade pod. Upon arriving, he glances around the area, making sure to study every group of kids until he finds Lacey. And then he sees her, barely visible behind a line of kids in front of some bean bag toss, right in front of her classroom, talking with none other than Mr. Dunn.

Ethan’s breath hitches. He hadn’t seen Benji since the field trip last month, when they had made their awkward goodbye in the school parking lot. Part of him didn’t want to see him again, just because the thought of him made his chest ache, even if it was inevitable that they’d have to run back into each other sooner or later, just because of the nature of their relationship. So he takes a deep breath and takes a step forward, heart drumming as he nears them, watching the way they interact, the way Lacey’s brow furrows like it does when she’s deep in thought, until, finally, Benji raises his head.

“Ethan,” he says, sounding just as surprised as Ethan feels. “I was wondering where you were.”

“I, uh, see you found Lace.”

“So I did.” Benji gives Lacey’s shoulder a squeeze. “We were just chatting.”

Ethan’s eyes flick between them. “Everything okay?”

“It should be now. Right, Lacey?”

Lacey doesn’t answer immediately.

“We were talking about something that happened at school today,” Benji continues. “Didn’t you want to tell your dad about that, Lace?”

Ethan’s throat tightens when he realizes that Benji calls her Lace just like he does. God, he’s cute.

“Lacey,” Benji begins again, kneeling down next to her. “Remember how we talked about your feelings being important? I think you should tell your dad about what happened.”

She sights, and then finally says, “It’s Britt.”

“What about Britt.”

“She’s friends with Hailey.” Lacey keeps her face ducked out of view.

_ Oh _. Suddenly everything makes sense.

“Lacey,” he murmurs, kneeling down as well. “When did this happen?”

She wipes her nose with her arm. “I got to school today and everything was fine. But then recess happened and I went to go play with Britt and--” Her lip trembles. “She said she couldn’t be my friend anymore ’cuz Hailey said so.”

“Rest assured I’ll have a conversation with Hailey about this,” Benji interjects. “I didn’t know about this either until a few minutes ago. I knew Lacey was upset today, but I didn’t have too much time to ask why. And I’m very sorry for that, Lacey.”

“It’s okay,” she says meekly.

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” Ethan asks gently, reaching out to stroke her hair. “I’ll always listen to you, baby.”

“It wasn’t important.”

“Yes, it is,” Benji reminds her.

“It didn’t feel important.”

“It’s your birthday,” Ethan tells her. “I don’t like it when you’re sad, but especially not on your birthday.” He combs his fingers through her hair again. “I’m glad you told Mr. Dunn at least, but I wish you would have come to me.”

“He was right there, I guess.” She sniffles. “I just want to go home.”

The request leaves Ethan feeling hollow, just because she had been _ so _excited for this for so many weeks now, but the tears in her eyes are convincing enough.

“Sure, we can go home. Maybe we can make some brownies tonight. Does that sound good?”

“Even with my birthday cake?”

“Even with the cake.” He caresses her cheek. “Anything to cheer you up. I love you, sweets.”

Lacey sniffs again and nods, but the way she grabs his hand expresses all the gratitude in the world. He gets back to his feet and realizes Benji’s been standing off to the side and watching for some time now.

“Thanks, Benji,” he says quietly, a bit awkwardly. “Really, it means--”

“I’m only doing my job.” He sends Ethan a small, weary smile. “You have a nice time making brownies.”

Ethan returns the smile, chest tight as he does so, and then reluctantly parts with Lacey. They stay quiet as they leave, Lacey only saying, “I don’t want the school year to end,” as they make their way through the front doors.

“Why? I thought you loved the summer.”

“I do, but I want Mr. Dunn to always be my teacher.” 

Ethan’s heart pangs. “You really like him, huh?”

“Yeah. He listens to me. My other teachers just yelled, yelled, yelled.” She pauses. “I’ll miss him next year.”

“You can always visit him,” Ethan suggests, trying his best to ignore the way his chest aches.

“But I don’t want to visit him. I want him to be my teacher. Or something.”

“Or something?”

“I don’t know,” she sighs. “I just wish I could see him every day.”

God, he doesn’t need to be hearing this, not from his own daughter. He thinks about Benji constantly, day and night, while he’s awake and in his dreams. But it’s better this way, or so Benji says, better to be apart, discussing him sadly with his daughter, wishing that things were different.

“I know what you mean,” he murmurs finally. “I’ll miss him, too.”


End file.
